Hidden Within

Chapter 3: Panicking / The Impossible Is Possible

When I get home, I drop my backpack by the door, and I go immediately to my room. Whenever I am distressed, I either retreat to my treehouse or my room. They are the places that feel safe. They help me calm down, and I definitely need to calm down right now.

What happened in class is impossible. Changing the density of objects is not possible. Well it can be, but only if you have really scientific equipment or you change the temperature of a substance like water. In that case, it is completely possible; however, solely using your mind to change the density is a completely different thing. Using your mind is what they have in comic book and movie superheroes.

I throw my phone on my bed in frustration. Just thinking about this makes me so frustrated. I can't deal with this. I am not happy. I am mad, upset, and confused all at the same time. I continue to throw and hit things, making sure nothing is damaged. I love my stuff too much to damage it, so everything I throw has a soft landing, and my punches are only to my bed and pillows.

I hear a knock at my door, and Noah peeks in.

I am sure he can see the turmoil and frustration I am experiencing. I have never been good at hiding my emotions. Most people can easily read me.

Concern evident in his voice, Noah asks, "Are you ok sis?" He comes in my room, which can be risky because it often makes me freak out more.

Groaning like an animal, I shove my face on my bed. I know this is immature, but I can not help it. My natural reactions are usually what a two to four year old would do. While my face is stuffed in the sheets, I make a sound that resembles that of a gargled growl. I can hear Noah's footsteps coming closer. Then again, I knew that this is probably what he would do. My family is concerned when I get like this. The majority of people who are Autistic are males. It is very uncommon for a girl to be autistic and have multiple brothers who are not Autistic. The only other one who is Autistic in our family is Uncle Jerry.

Noah touches my shoulder gently. My reflex is to jump back from his hand. As I do, I make another animal like noise, running around to the other side of my bed to get away from him.

"Alivia... Calm down..." Noah calmly yet firmly tells me. I make a whimpering sound. "You need to calm down."

He just stands there as I continue to panic.

Several minutes later, he asks, "Can I get Mom?" Noah knows he can't handle me. He is not capable of calming me down.

"N-No! D-on't get her. I-I j-j-just... need... to calm!" When I get panicky, I don't always speak in correct English. Grammar and pronunciation goes out the window.

Noah's eyebrows pinch together in concern. Reluctantly, he leaves the room soon after.

"Is she alright?" I can hear Aiden outside my bedroom door.

I can picture Noah shaking his head in my mind. He sighs, "No. She is really panicky. I don't know why. She wants to be left alone."

Their conversation stops, and I hear them walking away. I sigh in relief. Plopping down on the bed, I gather my binkies up in my arms and squeeze them against my curvy frame. Ever since I was little, I have called my baby blankets binkies. Yes, I still have all of them because they give me comfort.

After a while, I finally calm down. I spend a little longer in my room before I finally open my door.

Siting on the floor with his back against the wall is Aiden. Could he have been here all this time? It must have taken me an hour, hour and a half, to calm down. Of course he has been here all this time; it is something he would do.

We stare at each other when he finally asks, "Are you ok?"

I know what he was really asking. Am I calmed down now. I nod.