What's Wrong?

Chapter six

The green room was smaller than the girls were used to, which meant they were forced to work more closely to each other than usual. Maddie made sure to get a spot by Nia, so she could hear Holly's gentle voice. Chloe placed herself all the way across the room. Paige followed, bouncy and giggly. Chloe tried to smile and keep up with her best friend's excitement, but it was impossible. The only thing she could think about was the solos this week, and how Maddie had only beaten her by one point at the last competition.

Maddie put pin after pin in her mouth and then her hair. Melissa came over when Maddie was about halfway through the card of pins, and was immediately frustrated. "This again, Mad? Really?"

Maddie ignored her, mentally shaking her head and rolling her eyes. She stared into the mirror and reached for more bobby pins as Melissa leaned down to speak into her ear. "Madison, I don't know what has gotten into you in the last couple of weeks," she began, and Maddie felt her small hands clench tighter, "but I've noticed a lot of changes in your behavior. You're not the Maddie I know."

Maddie shook her head but quickly stopped, sliding another pin off the paper and opening it with her teeth. She roughly pushed it into her bun so that it scraped against her head, letting some of her anger release. She was lost in thought, forgetting that Melissa was talking next to her.

"Maddie, are you listening to me? Maddie?"

"Leave me alone, Mom, I'm fine," Maddie muttered, reaching to grab more pins off the counter, but Melissa snatched them away and started yelling at her.

"You don't give a damn about anything anymore, Maddie! You barely even speak! What's gotten into you lately? You make me want to tear my hair out! I've been so stressed about whether or not to take you to a doctor, I don't know what's wrong and you bottle everything, keep it all to yourself! How is anyone supposed to help you? I'm your mother, you have to tell me these things!"

The dressing room was silent. Christie and Kelly were smiling at each other, eyebrows raised, and Holly and Abby were clearly concerned. Maddie was staring expressionlessly at her mother. She blinked, swallowed, and then evenly said, "Mom. Calm down. I'm fine."

"I can't do it," Melissa cried, putting her hands to her head. "I can't be around her right now, I can't," she said to Abby, throwing Maddie's pins back on the counter and rushing out of the room.

Christie laughed, but Abby went to Maddie. "Listen to me," she said, bending down to be at Maddie's eye level. "I know your mom is stressed. I know something's up with you. But I need you to go out on that stage and dance like you're alive, like I know you can. We can talk about this later, but there's not time right now. Put all that yelling and all that anger behind you. I need you to dance like you're never going to dance again. Can you do that?" Maddie nodded. "Good girl," Abby smiled, pulling her into a hug.

Maddie didn't know whether to stay stiff like a board or hug Abby forever and never let go. She went with the board option, even though she knew it made her seem heartless as anything. When Abby pulled back, she shook her head sadly and stood up. Maddie looked up to see Christie staring, an angry glint in her eye. Maddie could practically smell her thoughts; Chloe never gets that kind of attention, ever. Miss Abby's playing favorites again. If only Maddie could transfer her favoritism...

Abby waved Paige and Chloe over to the door. Maddie slid her jazz shoes on, took one last look in the mirror, and joined them. "Moms, I'll see you in there," Abby announced, and they were off down the hallway. Maddie was praying not to see Melissa. Paige and Chloe held hands all the way to the stage. It was clear that Paige could see something was bothering Chloe, but that she wasn't acknowledging it.

The girls managed to make it backstage without crossing paths with Mrs. Ziegler, and Maddie was relieved. She went backstage, glad that her routine was a darker one. Not like Chloe's dark routines, but similar. She knew she could put her passion into it, and breathe dance like Miss Abby had asked her to. Still, she knew she'd have to make some mistakes in order to make Christie and Chloe happy. She started choreographing slip-ups and thuds into her routine. Which turns could she "accidentally" fall out of but still manage to do her next steps?

Paige went first, a cute, simple happy routine per usual. She danced well, and Maddie enjoyed watching her, though she wished she could have enjoyed it as much as she would have a year ago when things were easier.

Chloe was next, and she looked flawless. She was like a Barbie-gone-wrong onstage, fierce and sassy and strong. Maddie loved watching Chloe dance so much that she forgot she was the next contestant, and forgot to do those last few warm-up moves backstage. Good, she thought. Even more of a leg up for Chlo - literally.

Maddie walked onto the stage with a little pep in her step, not her usual sashay like Miss Abby taught her. She hopped into her sitting pose at the front of the stage, and ceased all motion, waiting for the music to start.

When her song first came over the loudspeakers, Maddie danced as she had been taught. But as she went, she was able to do more and more to push her boundaries. She felt powerful doing things wrong on purpose. She knew no one could do anything to stop her. It brought a smile to her face. She sickled a foot, "forgot" to point a toe, and fell out of two turns. Her side aerial was flawless, but for the last three eight counts, she fought the music and danced half a beat behind.

When the routine was over, she walked off the same way she'd come on. People were congratulating her, and Paige ran to hug her. Everything seemed fine until Maddie felt something running down her face. Blood, she thought. When did she get hit? She would have had to have scratched herself with her nails or dragged her face along the stage, and she surely would have notice both of those things. What happened?

"I'm hurt," she said aloud, but realized immediately that saying it was a mistake. It wasn't blood. Chloe was staring at her. It was a tear; Maddie was crying.

"What happened, Maddie?" Paige asked, but Maddie just pretended her elbow was bothering her. "I didn't see you fall...?"

"I know," Maddie said, trying to smile. "I must have stretched it too hard or something. Maybe it popped. It's fine."

"Are you sure?" Chloe asked timidly.

Maddie nodded quickly and the girls went back through the maze of halls to meet their moms. Melissa was nowhere to be found.

Holly's eyes immediately landed on Maddie. "You did a wonderful job, sweetie."

Maddie forced the best smile she could. "Thank you, Miss Holly!"

"You're welcome, Maddie. Is it okay if I ask you a question?"

Maddie nodded nervously and followed Nia's mom outside. Honestly, she'd been glad for the fresh air; all she could smell before had been hairspray. They sat down, and Holly let Maddie have her space, which Maddie was thankful for. Holly looked at the little dancer, obviously concerned for her.

"I just wanted to check in with you, make sure you've been doing okay. Things have seemed really strained lately with you and you seem really... I don't know, Maddie. Really sad."

Holly's gentle voice was so calm and welcoming, and Maddie had to bite her lip right there. Holly held out her arms. Maddie stared at them for a long moment before scooting closer and resting her head against Holly's chest. Holly seemed relieved that Maddie had given into herself and allowed a bit of comfort.

Maddie sniffled and a few tears fell, and then the flood came. She was sobbing, and she knew that the make-up would be everywhere but she didn't care. It felt so good to finally break down, give in, let go. Holly reached under Maddie's legs and picked her up, pulling Maddie into her lap so she could hold her better. Maddie didn't protest, merely wrapped her arms around Holly's neck and stayed put.

"Please," she choked out in between sobs, "p-please don't t-tell my..." She trailed off for a moment before finishing. "My mom."

Holly pulled Maddie to look at her. "What's going on with her, huh? Why was she yelling at you?"

Maddie dissolved into a fresh round of tears. "She only loves me if I win. But everyone hates us if I win. So I lose. I have to. I hate dance!"

Holly's eyes shifted to the door they'd come through, so Maddie looked too. Standing in the archway...

Was Abby.