I Lost Myself While Losing You

OUR SUMMER

I hear the crunching gravel behind me. It's most likely Kylie. I was right.

"Sam! Hi, how are you my boy?" She says with a smirk on her face. I don't like being called boy. For me a boy is childish and don't pay much respect towards other people. I breath respect, I'm not a boy. I'm a man.

"I'm doing good. I can't seem to understand that we're moving tomorrow though" I say. I mean we've lived here for so long. Tomorrow we'll all be gone. Kylie and I will move to London. She will study arts, not like acting or singing or what you think about. Literature to be exact, but for her, it's art. So I let her call it art. I won't study. I've got a job as a photographer. That will only be a side job, I'll work at a café the other times. 

"Well we just have to get it in your beautiful head then. It's the beginning of a new chapter." She said. She's right as well, it's just. You can't start a new one, if you're reading the old one over and over again. I don't wanna grow up.

We went a walk around the lake before we got in. It's not a really big lake nor small. It's good enough and it's pretty. There is a raft a few meters away from the pier, maybe 10-30 meters. When we got to the raft, we got up on it and talked about the future.

"Where do you think we'll be in a few months?" Kylie asked. 

"Well, I hope that I can work as a photographer as a full time job. I wanna do what I love you know" I told her.

"I'm pretty sure I'll still be in school. But you don't know I could be dead as well. So could you" I splashed water at her, she knows I hate to think about death. But boy, she was right. 

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It's August the 25th. It's the day when Kylie should have started school. But she didn't... She couldn't. Not physically anyway. Maybe her spirit did, I can't tell. 

"Are you okay Sam?" Stupid question! I'm okay but I'm torn apart. I don't know how to speak anymore! I don't know how to live. I can't do anything else then seeing my best friend dead in my arms. I couldn't save her. Somehow my mum read my thoughts.

"It's not your fault you know that right?" She looks at me with pity in her eyes. She's wrong it is all my fault. I didn't pull the trigger no, but I could save her, if I wasn't so week. I couldn't make her heart start to beat again. I lost my mind. I will never be able to get her out of my head. She will always be there, like a gosht. But not in the way I want her to be. I want to see here full of life, laughing so much she can't breath. Instead all I see is lifeless eyes, hearing her last words over and over. 

I love you Sam.

Then there's me, sobbing like a baby on top of her. Trying to keep her alive until the ambulance arrives. I couldn't, I lost her a within seconds before the ambulance came. Why does she always have to be the hero? If she wouldn't have bothered, she'd still be alive proving the world wrong. That she will succeed with her life.