A Scar Away From Falling Apart (A Fall Out Boy Fanfiction)

Part Eleven - A Scar Away From Falling Apart

TRIGGER WARNING

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Once I semi composed myself, Patricia drove me and Patrick to the ER where, as expected, Andy was sitting in the waiting room with his knees pulled up to his chest, and tears stained on his face.

I ran over to him followed close behind by Patrick. The moment he saw me coming he stood up and grabbed me in a hug, "I'm so glad you're here!" he said, this voice trembling, "And you too Patrick," he continued when I let go and hugged him.

"Me too, what happened?" Patrick asked, hugging him back.

Andy let go, and and started, "He—He tried..." He trailed off, and just stared at the floor, but I already knew what had happened. I stepped forward and grabbed him again in a hug, as he again started crying, though he was trying to hold it back, "He tried to kill himself!" he finally said, and Patrick came over putting arms around us both, and his head on Andy's back.

"Hey," Patricia said soothingly walking back over to us from the information desk, rubbing Andy's back, "The doctor said he's going to be okay, he's just going to be asleep for a little while."

"Y-you mean he's in a coma?" Andy asked sniffling as everyone untangled, though I kept my arm around his shoulders.

She hesitated, but nodded, "Until his body recovers, that seems to be the case."

"Can we see him?" Patrick asked, his expression was blank, and his voice sounded dark and almost angry in a sense.

"I think so, but I don't know for how long."

"I just want to make sure he is alive, these doctors nowadays you never know with them," Andy said trying to lighten the mood, though it didn't work.

They started walking towards the recovery rooms, but I couldn't get myself to move.

It all started to come back in flashes...

"Hello?"

"Is this Y/F/N?"

"Yes."

"I don't completely know how to tell you this gently over the phone, but... Your parents... Well there's been an accident and your parents are in critical condition. We're not sure they'll make it."

"What?"

"Their at the hospital if you want to say your good byes we'll be sending a cop over to take you there."

* * *

"I'm here to take you to your parents."

* * *

black, blue, purple, red, so many colors...

* * *

BEEP... BEEP... BEEEEEEEEEEE......

"NO, NO, NO!!! WHERE WERE YOU?! WHY'D YOU DO THIS!? NOO!! COME BACK!"

* * *

'Y/N,

Sorry we didn't wake you, but we went to get you a little surprise for tomorrow. Be back in a few hours.

Love,

Mom and Dad'

* * *

"Y/N?" I gasped and looked up at Patricia who was now standing in front of me, looking into my eye worriedly, "Y/N, did you want to go with them?"

I hesitated, but nodded, not saying anything as I turned and followed in the direction of where we were told Pete would be.

Suddenly my body didn't feel like mine anymore, I kept taking steps, but I couldn't tell if it was me who was making the decisions to take them. I turned into the room after Andy keeping my eyes on the ground.

"Dammit Pete," Patrick muttered running his fingers frustratedly through his hair.

"You okay?" Andy asked, making me jump and look over at him, now standing by my side, where did I keep going.

I nodded, and returned my eyes to the ground, flinching when I caught a glimpse of his legs under the hospital blanket, not baring to see him like this.

Andy hugged me, though this time I couldn't get myself to move enough to hug him back, so he let go, walking over to Patrick who was seconds from a breakdown.

"DAMMIT!" He yelled aging, kicking the small trash bin that was sitting to the side.

"It's okay Patrick, calm down, he's going to be okay," Andy said, trying to calm him down, attempting to put his arm around his shoulders to calm him.

"What do mean it's going to be okay?!" He snapped shoving him away, "Our best friend just tried to fucking kill himself, and you say he's going to be okay?!"

"I-I'm sorry, I just..." Andy trailed off looking at the ground.

"You just what, you just overlooked the fact that he was so depressed, and hated us and his life so god damn much that he wanted to give it all up?! Huh?!" He stopped and looked back at Pete, "Not to mention the fact that it's my fucking fault..." He said his voice going quiet again.

"Patrick..." Andy started again.

"No, get the fuck off of me," Patrick said shoving him away again, and sped passed me out the door.

Andy just stood there looking at Pete, and then shook his head wiping his eyes, "I have to go after him," he said, also rushing passed me.

I didn't try to stop him. I didn't even look up as all this was going on. I couldn't. I couldn't watch everything fall apart again as I stood powerless in the corner.

Slowly I got myself to look up, though I kept my eyes on anything else except him: The drab walls, the lamp, the trash bin that now lay sprawled out across the floor. I took a deep breath closing my eyes before finally setting them on Pete. His eyes looked dark, probably mostly from displaced eyeliner, but also from what he did, and what led up to it.

I walked over to the side of the bed. Patrick was wrong, it wasn't his fault... It was mine. I knew. I was there too when he said what he had, and I didn't do anything. I shouldn't have even been here. If I didn't have to have had that stupid birthday, and want that stupid party, then my parents wouldn't have gotten in that stupid car, and they wouldn't have gotten killed, and I wouldn't have had to move in with Patricia, I never would have met Patrick, I never would have read Pete's poem, and none of them would ever have had to go through this.

"This was all my fault, Pete," I said, though my voice was shaking, "I'm so sorry." I waited for a response, any response, but his body lay still, the only movement from his chest which moved slowly up and down with each shallow breath, "I never told you what I thought of what you said," I continued, "I did think about it a lot. I-I guess I just didn't want to have to deal with it. I didn't want to loose everything again, but..." I stopped blinking away tears, "But now everyone could have lost something. Pete, we love you, I love you! How could you do this to yourself?" I stopped there... I know how...

"Miss?" I looked over to see a woman in a nurses uniform standing in the doorway, "Visiting hours are over, I have to ask you to leave," she said abruptly.

I nodded, and she turned walking back out, but leaving the door open.

I swallowed hard, and looked back down at Pete, his skin was flushed, and his lips were pale. I bent down, and kissed his forehead, "Goodbye, Pete," I whispered before walking out.

* * *

I don't know what time it is. All I know is it's dark, and all I can see is the reflection of the piece of metal I held in my hands that was so small, and so seemingly innocent, but could cause so much damage.

I couldn't cry anymore, I was all out of tears, and all I was left with was emptiness. I couldn't feel sad anymore, I couldn't feel angry, I was numb. I had had so many feelings for such a long time now, it was amazing to me how quickly they could all be taken away.

I just want to feel something again... I just want to feel anything... Anything to fill this emptiness... But if I do... I'll surely fall apart...