Second Chances

Chapter 2

I find the little kids playground and I sit down on one of the swings. I actually came here with Jasper once, early in our relationship. It was a really nice day, I remember. We just sat on the swings and chatted. Nothing particularly romantic, just spending time together.

I think that I loved Jasper. I'm not sure. He wasn't my first boyfriend, but he was one of my first serious ones. But I don't really what love is, and once experience certainly isn't enough to tell me.

It honestly took me a long time to get over Jasper. I seemed okay on the outside, maybe a bit rocky, but on the inside I was in pain. And once we broke up, Jasper did some nasty things to me. At school, he was one of the "popular" kids, and he had the power to make my life a misery. He told people to bully me, verbally and physically, and they did. He told people personal things that I had trusted him with. Jasper turned into a nasty person after we broke up. And it lead me to do some horrible things.

I slowly pull of the sleeve of my jumper to reveal the three scars on my left wrist. I did this to myself because of what Jasper caused. It's his fault, I managed to convince myself of that.

The first scar I created four months after we broke up. We broke up about a week before school finished in Year 10 and I didn't seem him all summer holidays. Then I came back to school and within two months his betrayal was so painful I cut myself. I immediately regretted it and I couldn't believe what I had done. I swore never to do it again.

But I did. The second time was about six months after our break up. At that point, he had physically hurt me himself. It was that afternoon I went home and, yet again, ran the blade over my arm.

The third time was almost a year after our break up. Life got so bad at school that I dreaded each day. I honestly hated my life. I couldn't even walk around without being called nasty names or being shoved or glared at. Nothing in particular triggered it, I was just feeling extremely low and I thought "why not?"

It was around this point when Jasper stopped picking on me. He didn't talk about me anymore, he didn't hurt me or tell others to hurt me. He started trying to be nice to me whenever he could. But he couldn't stop what he'd already started, and everybody kept bullying me. I'd had enough.

I moved schools for my final year. At my new school I met Sonia and a few other girls I became close friends with. Eventually I could trust Sonia enough to tell her the truth about me and why I moved. I showed her the scars. She cried. I cried. And I promised to never do it again. And I haven't.

My life is a lot better now. Occasionally I see someone from my old school and if I'm unlucky I'll get a dirty look from them but that's it. The only person who knows about my scars is Sonia. Nobody judges me anymore.

I started getting my life back together after I told Sonia. I took more of an interest in my education and I decided what I wanted to do with my life. I started studying Earth Science and Geology. I made new friends. I started playing the clarinet. I actually got my life together.

As I think about my past, I realise the massive trigger being around Jasper is going to be for me. He really started turning into a nicer person in my last few weeks at his school, and I feel like he was trying to make up for being such a prick.

I try to push him out of my mind completely, but if truth be told, I think about him a lot. Even though he had been a total pain to me, a complete bully, I still liked him throughout that year he bullied me. I don't know why. Maybe it was love. I don't know.