Things they didn't know.

Chapter 19

Lexi's POV

It was about 1 hour later and i was still crying. I laid in mine and Michaels bed whilst listening to my "v sad v feelsy" playlist. Citizen was playing. Everyone was downstairs laughing. I cried even harder. They don't know how much i am hurting.

i'm hurting because i'm not skinny enough and i talk too much. i thought Michael saved me from this hate inside me , but i guess it's still here.. yay.

I cried and sang along to the song. "The Night I Drove Alone" by Citizen.

"And i should have crashed the car, the night i drove alone", i cried loudly. Another thing i hated, i feel like i am too loud..

I quieted down when i heard footsteps. I quickly shut the music off and wiped my eyes.

Calum walked in.

"Hey Lexi!", he said and i sniffled.

"Woah. Are you okay", he said sitting down. He wasn't letting this go.

"Yes cal, i'm fine", i said moving away.

"No you are crying", he said lifting my chin up.

"I'm just depressed Calum.", i say leaning in to hug him.

"You and me both", he sighed.

"I'm sorry calum. I know you loved her", i say.

"Yeah. Now tell me what's wrong", he says facing me.

"Well for starters, i hate myself. I am not pretty enough. i'm not skinny enough. my skin is so weird. i'm too tan. all the pretty girls are pale and i'm not. i want to fall off the face of the earth. I starve myself to be pretty and skinny. I don't starve myself for that sole reason though", i say pausing.

"Then what is the real reason", he asks.

"I think i just need to be as empty as i feel", i say, looking down at my intertwined fingers.

"Lexi, don't ever think that way about yourself. I think you think Michael is going to leave you, remember i know about your abandonment issues.", he says.

"I see the way Michael looks at you, the way he smiles when he talks with you or about you. Fuck, he even proposed to you. That's gotta mean something.", he says chuckling.

"I know cal, but it's so hard to share how i feel", i say. He looks around the room then gives me a bear hug.

Then there was a knock on the door. Taylor.

"Hey guys", she says sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Hey what are you up to?", cal says happily.

"Just came to see what was going on. Lexi i know you were crying.", she says staring me down like i'm under interrogation.

"Sorry Tay.", i say with an apologetic look.

"What got you down Taylor? i know you aren't yourself right now", Calum says.

"I just found out that even though i'm gone, my parents are still fighting. My brother is worried they are gonna get a divorce and i'm doubting all my friendships with everyone but all the people here in this house.", she says bouncing on the bed.

"You and me both, guys", Calum says and we nod in agreement.

"What are the others doing Tay?", i say.

"They are talking about soccer.", she says. (a/n: this is in Australia, so soccer is football.)

"Do you guys think Michael is worried", i ask.

"Yes. he kept telling me to check on you cause he thought you did something again", Calum says.

"Yeah even when i was down there he wouldn't stop.", she says. I smile knowing for sure he cares.

I look up. Another knock. Taylor opens it and sees Ashton and Mikey.

"Oh thank god babe you guys are okay", Ashton says tackling Taylor.

"Yeah. We were worried.", Michael says looking at me. I motioned him over to me.

"Lexi lets go in the hall", Michael says. Oh shit.

Once in the hall, he spoke.

"Are you okay?", he says. It gets a little annoying.

"No Michael i'm not.", i broke down.

"I'm not pretty. i'm not skinny. i'm not pale for all the pretty girls are. I'm numb. i don't feel any pain. I am all alone and no one cares.", i say crying my eyes out.

"Bullshit.", he says. i flinch. his angry voice showing. He took note in seeing that i was scared and hugged me tight.

"I love you kitten. No matter what. You are always gonna be my world. So what if you are not skinny or pale. I love you no matter what.", he says as he held up my finger with the ring on it.

"I put this ring on your finger because i want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to have little Michael and Lexi's running around that we can spoil and get tattoos with, when they at legal of course, and get hair dye with and go to concerts with. I want to come home every day from tour or the studio to see my beautiful family. and most of all.", he says pulling away and looking at me.

"My beyond gorgeous wife", he says with a small smile. I put my hands on both his cheeks and pressed our lips together.

"Let's go back in our room and watch movies with everyone.", i say.

"only if we can cuddle", he says.

"well obviously we are going to cuddle", i say with a small smile. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into our room.I opened the door to see it was like our friends had heard our conversation.

They were already all snuggled up on the bed. Taylor and Ashton laying together, cal and Luke, and me and Michael joined in.

We watched American Horror Story: Coven. The best fucking season ever. Sure we had plans.

But spending time with the people i call my family was even better.