jalex-I never lit a match, with intent to start a fire.

hopeless endorsement

third person p.o.v

(night before school starts) (w/ Alex)

3: 40 am the clock besides him on the nightstand read. the glowing numbers contrasting with the pitchblack darkness of his room.

Alex rolled over around to lay faceing the ceiling with his back to the bed.

"I don't want to go to school tomorrow." he gently whispered to himself sighing slightly.

"I don't want to be the new kid again..", "Im tired of being fucking judged and bullied."

Tomorrow will be Alex's first day at Dulaney Highschool. He and his mom had just moved from a couple cItIes down over to Baltimore, Maryland.

Alex has always had seviere anxiety, and suffered from panic attacks when things became to much for him... And as he sits in his room silently to himself thinking over the next day's actions, he can't help but to feel his heart rate start to increase.

"They're all going to hate me...why do I have to fucking care so much?" Alex arrogantly whimpered to himself.

"I always let everybody's fucking shitty ass opinions hit me hard!."

"why cant I be like the jocks? mInus all the swag and yolo Ignorance I mean, just full of confidence, and strong and give no fucks what other people thInk whatsoever?" he sobbed silently.

he laid motIonless as he cried into his cover. his heart racing at full speed by now.

"well you know what, Fuck that!" Alex shouted in the form of a whisper. his head hurting from the dizziness of the small attack. he sat up slowly still in his middle bed, to try and calm down his breathing.

"Fuck trying to blend in with the crowd" he scolded himself, gripping onto his bed sheets. "this time I'm going to stay as far out and away from people as possible... I'm going to be myself, and just keep to myself! I don't fucking need anyone."

-3 hours later-

"Alex, darling wake up son.","it's time to get ready for your first day of school." Alex's mother kindly whispered as she gently shook him from his nights sleep.

Alex grunted softly fluttering his eyes open before coming eye to eye with a worried mother.

"sweetie have you been crying?" Alex's mom asked noticing Alex's dry tear stained face.

Alex quickly shook hIs head, gIvIng her a sympathetIc look.

"honey I know your nervous but I promise things are going to okay.. a whole new beginning!" she cooed.

"you'll make new and wonderful friends!, no more teasing and cruelty from other students."

"Nobody here knows a thing about you baby, and as long as you don't want to come out to them, you don't have to." a whole new beginning!" she repeated excitingly.

"Now hurry on and get ready! , breakfast will be ready in a few" she cheered making her way to the door before giving one last encouraging smile to her son, and walking out.

Alex laid back over in his bed, his back firm on the cold sheets. stareing blankly at the suns bright beaming rays flooding his room with pure brIght light.

He replayed his mother's gentle words over in his head. Searching for some courage to finally get out of bed and face the long day ahead of him. He let out a long drastic sigh before rolling over in his bed to check the time. the time now read 7: 00.

"Fuck" he gasped dragging out the vowel. I have to get ready before I miss the damn bus.

"I don't want to embarrass myself more as it will be and be late" he thought to himself as he hurried to his clean and well organised closet.

"hmmm" Alex mumbled searching over his outfits, and remembering to dress the way he wants to, to start this year right. he picked some skin tight black skinny jeans with a long white, green day shirt to go with.

He threw those on, stepping into a clean pair of converse before quIckly making his way to the bathroom.

"don't wanna have morning breath now do I" Alex sang-spoke to himself while picking at his blue toothbrush before remembering he's in a hurry. He quickly set it up to wash his mouth while also started his hair straightener at the same time.

After cleaning his mouth and straightening his hair, he grabbed for a gray beanie and a black and white scarf to complete his outfit. "meh, I hope I'm not overdoing it" Alex questions himself fully insecure as to what the school will think of him. "or under do it" his anxiety's voice peeked at him from the back of his mind.

Alex let out one more long sigh before collecting his bookbag, cellphone, and house keys checking everything twice. before heading downstairs to a waiting breakfast.

*After eating his breakfast*

"thank you very much mom, the pancakes were delicious." Alex beamed, showIng a warm smile towards his mom. "No problem hun, I'm glad you liked it."

"Oh and don't worry I'll wash the dIrty dIshes." Alex stated firmly walking his dishes to the sink. But before beginning to rinse them, he made sure to check the Time. the time reading 7: 19. His bus gets to his stop at 7: 20...

"Holy shit" Alex startled. "I'm sorry mom I have to run, or else I'll miss the bus! I'll wash them next time!, I love you!" Alex called out running out the door, and making his way to the bust stop.

Behind him his mother yelled "Don't worry Alex I'll clean them!, take care! I love you too!"

Arriving to the bus stop Alex noticed the bus had already stopped and it was finished loading the teens who were already there.

Seeing this Alex waved his arms around and ran forwards to the bus in hope to catch the bus driver's attention.

"Oh god, how embarrassing!" Alex thought to himself as to how all the teens must be staring at him through the bus' windows, judging him.

The bus then came to a quick stop once again and the bus driver reopened the door. Sighing the bus driver called out "hurry up kid, I aInt have all day".

Alex started running up though the bus door and onto the bus, before the bus driver grows even more impatient and could even decIde to leave him behind and left to wallow in his own embarrassment.