The Eye Of The Beholder

Chapter 2: Spider's Got Back

Deadpool

As soon as Spidey dives out the window, the voices return.

He's got an awfully nice ass.

I'm actually gonna agree with this dumbass. Spidey's got a great butt.

HEY!

"Would you two pipe down? He's the only friend we've got. And I'd like to not scare him away."

Then just don't show him your face.

Yeah, we can't scare him if you don't acknowledge us while he's here. But that ugly mug will do it in a heartbeat.

"Good talk guys," I say, raising a gun to my temple then pulling the trigger.

******

Have a nice nap, Wade?

"Actually, Logic, any time I get to spend without the two of you is wonderful." But damn have I got a headache that kills.

A headache is the least of your worries.

Great, Insanity is awake too.

Well he's right again...weird...There's a lovely pool of blood you're laying in and perfect brain splatters all over the walls.

Wait...why is that bad again?

Because, you moron, Spidey is coming over again today.

"Shit!"

As fast as I can, knowing the blood is drying, I gather up a bucket of water and suds. I stand on the edge of the couch trying to scrub the newly dried brain stains on the wall and ceiling. I throw some water on the blood puddle on the floor so it doesn't dry out. After nearly an hour of scrubbing, I decide it's clean enough so fuck it. Spidey won't say anything anyway cause he's a sweetheart so I flop back down on the couch to sleep some more.

******

Wade, if you had a Spidey sense, it would be tingling.

I open my eyes pulling one of my swords out as a response to the figure leaning over me. I watch Spidey lean back, almost doing the Matrix move to avoid it.

"SHIT! Wade! Its Spiderman!"

"Oh, sorry, Spidey. I didn't expect to see you so early."

"What? Early? I'm actually really late," he says, his voice full of confusion.

My non-existent eyebrows furrow under my mask. "What?" I grab my phone off my slightly sticky coffee table and hit the home button. It's almost 9:30. I slept through the whole day. Spidey's stomach growls viciously and I laugh.

"Damn, web-head. You've got a fuckin' monster living in there."

He's probably got a monster down there, too. I mean, just look at that bulge.

God, that spandex on his tight little body. Yeah, I'd hit that.

You'd hit anything.

So would you. We're the same person, jackass!

"Would you two shut the fuck up!" I hiss.

Spiderman watches us, uncomfortably.

"Sorry...uh...you remember when I said I had voices in my head? They keep kinda talking about you."

Spidey chuckles quietly. I'm almost hurt when he says, "Well, what do the voices say about me?"