My Brother's Best Friend

Chapter 11 (•‿•)

      I sat on my bed, my back against the wall. I pulled the bottle of moonshine up to my lips, letting the alcohol burn my throat on the way down. I shut my eyes, reliving what happened just four hours ago. 

        I stood there, not really processing what Eric said. Then it hit me, and it's like I turned crazy. I threw a pot at the wall creating a hole in it, I kicked a chair against another wall, and I started crying. Eric held me as I cried. When I couldn't cry anymore, I told Eric I needed time alone and went upstairs to my room. Eric insisted he skip work but I refused to let him. He needed to mourn in his own way and I needed to be alone. He left, and I pulled out my secret stash of booze.

       Around me were all the letters Ian sent, pictures I had with Ian, everything I had that he had given me. It was just a bed full of Ian.

        "Well, Ian, this one is for you!" I slurred my words, holding up the bottle and looking up at the ceiling. After chugging a good amount, I set the bottle on my bedside table. I set my head against the wall. I couldn't comprehend it. How could this be real? 

      I picked up some of the pictures. Slowly looking at all of them. Ian and I smiling, me smiling Ian making a funny face, and vise versa. Why would someone so good die? I didn't want to believe it. I think that's part of the reason why I was doing this. 

       I sighed and pulled the moonshine up to my lips, taking a generous amount. I didn't know what the hell to do with my life anymore.

---

      The hardest thing since that day was Ian's funeral. I hated calling it that. His parents just had a memorial service because they didn't have his body. They had some people from the Marine's do a short ceremony on his behalf. I guess they couldn't find his body because it was blown up when a grenade went off. They found his dog tags, and I guess Ian wrote to his parents before saying if anything happened to him, he wanted me to have them. I cried when his dad told me how much I meant to Ian as he handed me Ian's most-worn possession. I started wearing it everyday, it was normally tucked under my shirt. I hardly noticed I was wearing it anymore. It had become something I wore everywhere, even during my showers.

      Months went by since that horrible night. I can honestly say I didn't know what day of the week it was. I quit my job, I withdrew from my classes at the college, and I basically became a drunk. I was so mad at everyone and everything. I wanted to blame Ian's death on something. No, I needed to blame it on someone or something. Eric basically had to start force feeding me. I slept a lot. I couldn't even remember the last time I talked to my friends. Chase, Amelia, and Madelyne texted me nonstop, at least that's what it seemed like, and I didn't respond. I lost my phone a while ago and it was probably dead by now.

       The only person I talked to was Eric, which didn't seem to happen a lot. I needed change. I knew if he saw me like this, he would be disappointed and probably try to talk some sense into me. Getting drunk every night was not fun anymore. Either I needed someone to get drunk with or I needed some other way to mourn. Mourning like this really wasn't healthy for me. I couldn't even say his name anymore. I knew if I said it, I would break down crying just mentioning him. God, I missed him. I got up and started throwing the clothes on the ground into an empty basket, promising myself I'd put them away later. I found my phone on the floor and charger, so I plugged it in next to my bed. It turned on and I heard it vibrate many times, indicating how many texts I had gotten.

       Hey, can we hang out? I texted Amelia and Madelyne in a group message. 

       Can't already have plans, Amelia texted back after a minute of my staring at the phone. I sighed. I was pretty sure she'd do this. She'd be all pissed off at me withdrawing from the group. She didn't understand how big of an influence he had on my life. He was always there for me, more than they ever were. All of a sudden he was gone and never coming back.