My Brother's Best Friend

Chapter 14 (•‿•)

     I continued walking home from Thompson's mansion. I continued pulling the bottle of Moonshine to my lips, enjoying the burn on its way down my throat. I continued thinking about what that bitch Tiffany said. Was she right? Had I made Ian run away? Was I really the reason he left? Every time these questions popped in my head, I took a longer drink than the last time. Through all drunkenness I managed to get home safely. I was about 3/4 through the bottle already. I guess it was a good thing Thompson didn't give me a completely full bottle. 

     "Went out. Be back soon. Good news!" A note on the counter said. At least that's what I think it said; it was hard reading when you're completely wasted. My vision was blurry and the things around me seemed to be shaking. I slowly climbed up the stairs, using my arms like a dog. I got to my room and sat on the bed. What the hell was I going to do? Was Tiffany right? 

     I hadn't moved on from Ian to Chase, right? Or did I do it too soon after Ian's death?  What the hell was she talking about? Drink. Ian's the one who left me. Drink. He left me. Drink. Did he leave me because he didn't love me? Drink. How could he love me? I was his best friend's sister. He probably only did that so I'd feel better. Drink. That asshole. Drink, chug. Did he only act that way so I would feel better about myself? He left because of me. Chug. I stood up from the bed and walked over to the other side of the room. I couldn't fucking live with myself knowing that. I pulled out the chair at the desk and sat down with the bottle still in my hands. I grabbed a piece of paper and my favorite pen. I began writing.

      "Eric-

           I can't do this anymore. I'm not doing this because I don't love you because I love you Eric. More than anyone. You're my brother, my twin, sometimes my father and I couldn't have asked for a better sibling. I'm so sorry for what I've put you through since they've died and how I have hurt you in countless ways. I love you so much and I don't deserve you. There's just so much pain in living, and I can't deal with it anymore. Eric, this isn't your fault. I have let you down in so many ways and I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry for the snide remarks, the cutting, the drinking, the inappropriate behavior, and everything. I hope you can forgive me for all the past things I've done and now this. Please find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you, Eric. I'll say hi to Mom, Dad and Ian when I'm up there.

     Lots of love and thanks for everything,

                       Emily." 

     I reread the note at least twice before I realized it was done. I just noticed the tears that were dripping down my face. I paced around my room. Was I ready for this? Well, who was ever ready for death? I chugged the remainder of the Moonshine and threw it against the wall. I heard the glass shatter against the wall. My life had gotten so out of control in only a few hours. I went to the cabinet in my bathroom and grabbed a pill container. Vicodin and Oxycontin. There were about 12 left. I held my head back and dumped them all in my mouth. I drank water from the cup that I poured and walked back into my room. I laid on my bed and thought that'd look like a peaceful way to die. The room started spinning and began to get blurry. I felt a pain my chest, and I think I screamed, well, I heard a scream at least. Ian's face popped into my mind before drifting off to unconsciousness. 

     "I'll see you soon, Ian," I murmured. 

     I heard someone call my name, screaming next to my ear, and felt hands on my body. I couldn't react. I was already gone.