The Only Hope For Me Is You | Adam Gontier

X

"Do you want a drink?" Adam asks me, and I nod. He hands me a beer, and I open it. I'd agreed to come back to the hotel with him, even though I'm aware of what that implies. Since Barry, Brad, and Neil all have their rooms, Adam and I are alone in his room.
"Thanks." I drink thirstily, the liquid almost burning my throat.
"Sorry about earlier," he says. "The whole Brad thing."
"You don't have to apologize," I reply, looking at him.
"Do you like him?" he questions, looking at me, his eyes practically searching my face for an answer.
"Yes. But not in the way I like you," I respond softly, and I notice the corner of his mouth twitches, as if he's trying not to smile. He bites his bottom lip, and I find myself staring. Blushing, I look away.
"What's that?" he asks after a moment.
"What?" I follow his gaze, and he's looking at my slightly exposed wrist. I momentarily panic, my breath catching in my throat.
"On your wrist," he says, gesturing to my arm. He hasn't noticed my panicking yet.
"Oh. I just drew stuff," I reply quietly, my face heating up.
"Can I see?" He looks at me, and I tug on my sleeves nervously.
"Um." I try to think of an unsuspicious way of saying no. I take a drink, trying to calm myself. "Hang on. I need a cigarette," I tell him, getting up, walking past him, and going out onto the balcony. Closing the sliding door behind me, I breathe out slowly before lighting a cigarette and putting it between my teeth. Putting my lighter back in my pocket, I take a deep drag. What do I tell him? Glancing behind me, I see him sitting facing the other direction. Blowing out a puff of smoke and holding the cigarette between my fingers, I pull up my sleeve a bit. Ugly scars cover my arm, and there's no way he won't notice. I pull my sleeve down again, taking a deep drag as I try to think.
"Eve?" Adam comes up behind me, and I flinch in surprise. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I just needed a smoke," I reply, pulling out my lighter and handing it to him, assuming he needs it. He takes it, and sure enough, lights his own cigarette.
"Eve."
I take another drag, blowing out the smoke slowly. "What?"
"Why don't you want me to see your arm?" He hands me my lighter, and I push it into my pocket.
"No reason."
"Then let me see."
I don't respond, and he sighs as he takes a drag, blowing out the smoke slowly. We stay in silence for a while, and my cigarette quickly becomes too short to smoke anymore. I put it out by pressing it into the ashtray on the table beside me, and I feel Adam watching me.
"What?"
"Let me see," he says softly, reaching around me and putting out his own cigarette. His warm body is almost touching mine, and my heart beats faster.
"Inside," I breathe, and he pulls away. Opening the sliding door, he gestures for me to go in. I do, and he comes in behind me, closing the door.
"Well?"
I sit down on his bed, and he sits beside me. I suddenly realize that sitting on his bed could be interpreted as suggestive, but luckily, he doesn't seem to care. I glance at him, and his blue eyes meet my brown ones. I open my mouth to tell him to not judge me before realizing. It's Adam. He won't judge. I slowly roll up my sleeves, exposing the drawings on my left arm as well as the many scars littering both my arms. I bite my lip, trying not to cry. He gently takes my left arm, pulling it into his lap. I move around so I'm facing him more. He wordlessly traces the drawing of huge red X I had drawn over my scars.
"Pain," he says softly, understanding that the X is the one from One-X—the one in the music video for "Pain". "How long have you...?" He furrows his brow, his handsome face showing concern.
"Started when," my voice breaks. "When I was 15."
"8 years," he whispers, tracing one of my deeper scars.
"That one." I breathe out slowly. "I tried to kill myself." I can't believe how much I'm opening up to him. He's a complete stranger—but not really, I suppose. He's the only person that's ever really been there for me. Just hearing his voice would make me feel safer, and that hasn't changed.
"But you stopped yourself," he replies, tracing the way it starts deep but ends jagged and shallow because I had panicked and drawn away before I actually did any fatal damage.
"Yes."
"What made you stop?" Looking up, he brushes a tear off my face. I hadn't even realized I was crying. I bite my lip, and his blue eyes stare into me. It feels as though he's staring through me. As though I'm transparent. Not even here.
Shifting my gaze to the floor, I let out a shaky breath. "I was listening to your songs one last time," I breathe, my voice not even sounding like my own. "And "Never Too Late". It," my voice breaks again, and I feel another tear fall down my face. "It came on, and I...you saved my life." I finally look up, and he raises his head. His blue eyes are glimmering with tears, and one trails down his cheek. I touch his face softly, and he closes his eyes. Another tear falls down his face, and I move closer. He opens his eyes, looking into mine. Our faces are inches apart, and he moves his hand to my face, gently touching my lips. He runs his thumb across them, sending a shiver down my spine. Before I know what's happening, his warm lips are on mine. I let myself melt into him, moving my hand to his soft hair. He slides his tongue across my lips, and I slowly part them for him. It's not my first kiss. But it's easily the most loving one I've ever experienced. He pulls away after a moment and presses his forehead to mine.
"I'm glad you didn't do it," he whispers. I remember the day so well. The moment I drew back. I didn't end my life that day, and today, I don't regret my choice.
I smile softly. "So am I."
We sit in silence for a while, the only sound in the room our breathing.
Adam moves, pulling away from me a bit. "Eve?" he whispers, gently rubbing the skin of my wrist with his thumb.
"Adam?" I look into his eyes.
"This one," he says softly, tracing a newer scar. His voice is laced with pain, and my heart feels like it's been split in two. "Please don't hurt yourself anymore." His voice breaks, and I close my eyes tightly, a tear falling onto my arm.
"It's hard," I finally say after what feels like an eternity.
"I know it is," he says softly before leaning in, pressing his soft lips to mine again. I can taste the saltiness of my tears between our lips. He moves his hand to my face, rubbing my cheek with his thumb, brushing my tears away. He pulls away slightly before whispering, "I can make your pain go away."

A/N
I actually love this chapter so much
I hope you like it, too! It's deep and sentimental, and I feel like I poured my heart into it idk it's strange
AND I WANT AN ADAM GOD DAMMIT