Pale Aura k.q [Discontinued for re-writing]

Currents Convulsive

Christmas  Eve

“Austin, come one! Bring Audry down!” twenty-four days. That’s how long it took for our family to reunite. After that day in the hospital, it would take the lowest of low to try and break us apart. We officially got back together a couple days later and I even moved back in. of course I still keep some stuff at Austin’s place, I mean me and Kellin still have fights. But when we’re sleeping alone, the memories hit. The frat house, attempted suicide, the deaths, and my own death in a way. The next day we are in each other’s arm, begging one another not to leave. We got Audry back after a long enough stay at Austin’s house. She’s now five months and trying to speak words. We went to the doctor about it, since she was premature by a month, he said and I quote;

“Who knows what will happen.” We just laughed.

“Babe?” Kellin’s voice snaps me out of the thought.

“Yea?” I called. I did not want to get up. My stomach has been hurting a lot lately.

“Where’s the eggs?” I know I’m not pregnant again. We only had sex once, but we used a condom. But what if I was pregnant. Could we even take care of another child?

“Babe.” The swirly patterns on the carpet become a nice distraction to my thoughts. No, I’m not pregnant. It hasn’t even been a full month. I use my foot to draw patterns in the carpet. This couch is really cozy. We put our tree up last week and it was beautiful. Kellin and I got a real tree, you know, after it fell and almost killed us. Kellin got a star, a black one and named the tree, Quinn Killer, since it almost killed him. He’s being so dramatic. Vic’s coming over tomorrow and he’s bringing his girlfriend Maria. Who I haven’t seen in ages. Two weeks ago, Kellin and I flew out there to see her and tears were in her eyes. Vic and I met her at Warped 2010. She was and still is one of the merch girls. Tomorrow has to be perfect, not only is she meeting Audry, but tomorrow night, Kellin and I are flying to Michigan to meet his mom. I was excited, but nervous. So freaking nervous.

“Babe!” I look up from the carpet. Wow. It really gets you thinking.

“Yes?” I ask. What did he want? I’m a woman going through a crisis here!

“I asked where are the eggs like five minutes ago.” I nodded and went back to tracing circles on the carpet. Eggs. Right.

“Oh, you need to go to the store.” I said.

“Are you okay?” Kellin sits next to me and puts a hand on my thigh.

“Yea, fine. Why?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Audry has been sitting in front of you for three minutes and you haven’t even notice.” I face palmed him.

“Psh. Kellin, I would know if my own daughter was in front of-” he pointed to the floor and sure enough, Audry was sitting on the carpet looking at me. “Whoa. How did you do that?” I ask. He shook his head and dragged me into the kitchen. He hoists me up and sets me on the counter. He walks between my legs and puts his elbows on my thigh.

“Megan. I know you too well. What’s wrong?” what is wrong? I don’t even know. Things are going great. Vic finally has someone to love, I have four someone’s to love and life is perfect. Maybe a little too perfect. I know myself too well. Something bad is gonna crash down on us. Something suicide can’t fix. The itching sensation of my wrist came back. Kellin doesn’t know I’m cutting. Thank goodness it’s winter. The hot water turns my wrists back to normal, but if exposed, they turn purple. I don’t even know why I cut. I have break downs in the middle of the night and I can’t control myself. I’m puking every morning I’m an emotionally mess and I’ve stopped eating. I haven’t’ ate more than one meal since I left the hospital. I think I might be mentally sick. I needed to see a therapist. I’m slowly killing myself from the inside out. I don’t even look the same. I don’t have my blonde hair anymore. I dyed it and now I’m a brunette. I still have my piercings, but I have two tattoos. It’s like I need pain to comprehend. Something painful and permanent. What is wrong with me?! I don’t want to set a bad example on my child. I sigh and lean my head on Kellin’s chest. He won’t be here long. Neither will Austin. They all have tours. And Vic has Maria. So he’s out of the question. Man, life has taken such a wild turn. I could always call Oliver and see if he could stay to help me take care of Audry.