Finding Me (testimony)

Bullies and self hatred

Growing up I never had a lot of friends but I did have a small group of like 5 or 6. Well that was until 8th grade. That was the year that I lost everyone. I spent many lunches sitting by myself or I would even skip lunch all together.

Now I'll take you back to where it all started. It first was just them distancing themselves from me. Which I was too stupid to realize at the time. Then came the rumors and nasty comments about my weight or basically everything wrong. Then it got to the point where I was getting notes in my locker with death threats and honestly the worst stuff you could ever say to anyone. What hurt me the most was these were coming from my "best friends".

I started to get depressed. When ur called ugly or fat or worthless every day you start to just believe them. I would spend my morning looking in my mirror and just cry. I tried to stay strong for so long and tried to not let them see my pain. At school I would act like I didn't give a shit but when at home I didn't talk. I would lay in bed and not get out unless to shower or if I needed something. I wouldn't even eat, and if you know me I love food.

My mom finally noticed something was going on and I showed her all of the notes I was given. The next day she let me skip school and we went in a talked with the principal. He decided that the best thing was for us to all sit down and talk. And all that did was make things worse. Almost every schools bathroom had something bad about me in it.

The next steps were the cops, but by the that time it was summer vacation so we decided to see how things went. That next school year most of the bullies went to a technical school but one. After awhile of her proving herself to me I forgave her. And now I know many years later that was one of the stupidest things I could have done.

" I never understood what I did to make them hate me so much"