Finding Me (testimony)

Senior Year

It was finally my senior year of high school. I honestly never thought I would make it this far. The year went by so fast and before I knew it prom season was upon us. The idea of prom made me anxious. I always dreamt about the perfect dress and the date in his matching tux. I knew it was too good to be true though. Who would wanna take a girl with scars on her arms to prom. I didn't really have a lot of guys friends and knew I would be going alone.

One night I was sitting at home when I got a text from a friend saying that she thought this one guy, who was our mutual friend was gonna ask me. I got all excited but tried to not show it. Everyday that next week I dressed nice to school because I didn't want to look dumb when he asked. I started losing hope. Maybe he came to his senses and decided to ask someone else. That next school day I walked into school in my normal. Which may I say was a messy bun, no make up, and some sort of sweats or leggings. What can I say I wasn't much for early morning effort.

We were sitting in our anatomy class studying for our exam when our friend came up to me and asked me if I could quiz him. He handed me the notecards and we started studying. I got halfway through when the next notecard had read PROM? I was so excited and said yes. I went and got a pretty pink dress and he had is matching tux. And honestly we had a great time at prom.

Next up was graduation. Dang I was really about to graduate high school. The future scared me. How was I supposed to be a adult. I could barley handle being a teenager. The day of graduation came and as I was getting ready I remember thinking to myself "it can only get better from here". Boy was I wrong. I made it through my graduation ceremony with my best friend by my side and family in the audience. I don't know what I would have done without the people in my life helping me through.

Shortly after graduation I stepped up as a youth leader to the youth group I had grown to love. Most of my friends from before were younger then me so they were still there. That also meant the same boy was also still there. Being a leader I had to step up and make sure things stayed okay between us. One night I remember getting a phone call from him saying that there was a issue at home and he really needed to talk. Against my better judgment I agreed to meet with him. I got in his car and we drove to the local lake. It was quiet and we were the only people there at the time.

After a bit of time talking he slowly put his hand on my thigh. I tried to just ignore it because  I didn't want to make a big deal. But before I knew it this escalated. He pushed his way on top of me and tried to take my clothes off. I tried fighting him off of me but he was much stronger then me and I just couldn't stop him. Things continued escalating until I heard the sound of my moms ringtone on my phone. I had never been so happy to hear that before.  He stopped and let me answer my phone. My mom was calling to tell me to come home. I pulled my clothes back over myself and he started the car. We drove back in silence as I choked back my tears. Every once in a while he would try to hold my hand but I would push him away.

When I eventually got home I ran and hid in my bedroom so my mom couldn't see me. My lip was fat from him biting it so hard, hickeys lined my body from where he was able to access. I looked in the mirror and just broke down. I trusted him how could he do this to me.

This would be my secret I kept for a whole year. I couldn't bare the thought of a trail and having to actually tell people what happened. I just wanted it to go away. I didn't want to see him again.. 

"I didn't see a point anymore"