After camp I felt like nothing could knock me down. Sophomore year came and went and again I felt good. My friends and I got closer. I got more and more involved with my church and my youth group.
The summer before my junior year I started talking to a old friend. This friend was also a member of my youth group and we saw each other often. Soon enough he had asked me to be his girlfriend. We dated for awhile and I really liked him. But as the relationship went on we both changed. I started struggling with my depression and anxiety again and he was dealing with a lot in his home life. We started fighting a lot and taking things out on each other.
I was always honest with him and would tell him how I was feeling. One day I had told him that I felt numb. A feeling that people with depression would understand. He told me that he had a trick he had learned to help when he felt numb and that I should try it. Little did I know it would start a downward spiral. He told me that the best way to feel better when you feel numb is to harm yourself so you can feel something. I believed him, I mean he was my boyfriend right he was supposed to care about me.
I spent many months continuing to harm myself hoping to feel better. But In all honesty now I know it didn't help me at all. Eventually we broke off our relationship as we both couldn't handle it anymore. We still saw each other at school and at church events but just played nice so it wouldn't be awkward.
"How could someone who cared about you cause so much pain"
YOU ARE READING
Finding Me (testimony)
NouvellesWarning to anyone reading this. There will be mentioning of self harm depression and even suicide. Also there will religion and stuff being mentioned. Thank you to anyone reading this!
