Reaching for Eliet

Once a Dream

I closed the door and I start to walk through the dim hallways. I have my sessions with my therapist when it gets dark because I don’t like to interact with people. I try to keep away from people as much as I can. In fact I try to not go outside as much as I can.

There were only three people left in the building including myself. The other two was my therapist and the Janitor that was at the end of the hall.  I start to walk quickly so that I could go home. It’s funny that even after all these years I think about Eliet all the time.  I look at the janitor and he was old. He had a gray beard and hair. I think he’s German. He smiled at me to be polite but I look away.

I hope he doesn’t try to talk to me. I walked faster and when I passed him I saw a figure laying on the wall right next to him. When I quickly turned at the very instant my vision was blurry for a second and I thought it was Eliet. I lose my balance a bit and one of my knees is on the ground. The Janitor runs to me and with a German accent he asks if I was ok. You could tell that he only knew a little bit of English.

I mumble with shock “Eliet?” I turn around quickly and no one was there. It was just me and the Janitor. My face lost its joy when I saw he wasn’t there. I can’t do this. I need to get over this. It’s been two years. I run away as the janitor looked at me in a confused manor.

When I get home I put the lights on and observe my apartment. The house is a mess. There are pictures of stars all over my wall and pictures of Eliet too. My desk was filled with rappers of the junk food I ate days ago and everything’s all over the place. Why do I live like this? Why can’t I forget about him? Why is it that every time I see a picture or an image of him it feels like my heart died? And why do I feel like I can’t cry anymore.

 I run to my wall and start to rip off all the pictures of stars and I throw them in the floor while crying. I’m going crazy! I don’t know why I think he’s just going to appear. I imagined that more than a thousand times. What I would say and do if I saw him. I even rehearsed it while looking at myself in the mirror so I can get it perfect.

I can’t look at myself anymore. Seeing myself like this would break me… because I would remember that Eliet wouldn’t want me like this.  And it would also remind me of how I failed myself. I fall to the ground and start panting. I don’t know what to do anymore. I should go to sleep. I get up and I put the light off as I walk to my room in the dark. I closed the door and I grab Eliet’s old drawing book. I went to bed and I hugged the drawing book as if it were Eliet. Goodnight Eliet.

I opened my eyes. I was in my room and the light was on. Eliet was right next to me but this time he looked my age. As soon as I saw him I hugged him. “Eliet!” I scream while smiling.

“Hi Star” I let go and look at him.

“Am I dreaming?”

“Yes you are…” I look down with sadness covering my face.

“But this is really me.” I look up at him confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I can’t talk to you in real life because I’m not alive. The only way I can talk to you is in your dreams.”

I hug him again. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I forgot you. I’m sorry that you died because of me. I missed you so much”

“Star don’t blame yourself. I wanted to protect you. Besides I had to take care of Lyra before she hurt again. To be honest at first I was sad you forgot me. The whole time I was in that hospital I wanted to say so many things. I wanted to say good bye and kiss you for the last time and say I love for the last time and tell you to not cry in the last moments that I die because all I want to see is your smile. I was scared too. Not because I was dying but because we were going to be separated. And it scared me being in a world that didn’t have you.