The Productive Muslimah

Going back.....

It creeps up on you, sometimes-knowing that
you've changed. You didn't realize, you still
don't know, how it happened. And the scary
thing is that this change was a fundamental
part of you. It was all of who you thought you
were. It was your destination and your journey.
But you lost it. Now, you feel distant from God,
Who was at one point your only purpose.
The loss of a connection to God is the scariest
thing that can happen to a person. You can remember
what it felt like to go to sleep remembering God and to
wake up thinking of Him. He was your Best Friend. You
remember how you molded your character to be something
that He loves. You remember when every cell of your body
was energized, ready to work hard for His sake. And most
of all, you remember the tranquility. You didn't worry. You
knew al-Wakeel (the Trustee) would take care of you.
But right now, you're in such a different place. You don't
even recognize yourself anymore. You want to be in that
place you were before so much, and you want to know
how you didn't even notice the gradual fall. Can you even
go back?
Ask the one who was trapped in the belly of a whale. Ask
him how he felt about that fall from grace. The guilt, the
humility, the longing that can all be summed up in the
phrase he repeated over and over:
"[...] There is no deity except You; exalted are You.
Indeed, I have been of the wrongdoers." (Qur'an
21:87 )
And what was the result? God tells us, "And had he not
been of those who exalt Allah, he would have
remained inside its belly until the Day they are
resurrected." (Qur'an 37:143-144 )
So Prophet Yunus (Jonah) 'alayhi as-salaam (peace be
upon him), the companion of the whale, was saved. He was
saved because he turned to Allah and never gave up. We
can remain in darkness, if we choose to. It is those, and
only those, who believe that there is no way back who
never return.
To those that say, "I used to be religious," or even, "I was
never religious", there is always a way back. When the
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ (peace and blessings
be upon him) tells us, "Allah is happier about the
repentance of one His slaves, than one of you would be
about finding your camel which had strayed away from
you in the middle of the desert," (agreed upon). He
ﷺ is also talking to those of us who have
strayed. Tawba is to return. It is not simply to repent
after committing a hideous sin, although that is a big part
of it. He is also talking to those of us who wonder if we can
ever recover or achieve that zeal and energy and purpose.
We need to return.
So don't give up. Don't give in to that feeling that tells you
to do the bare minimum. Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
(exalted is He) would not create you to be a useless
addition to this world. You can be something special-
something special to Him-if you don't give up. If you take
that step. Why are we reminded by the Prophet
ﷺ in so many sayings that Allah (swt)
accepts the servant who returns? Why are we told when
we come one step closer to Allah (swt), He comes to us at
speed? It is to remind us that Allah (swt) wants us to reach
our potential, to take that first step despite the fact that
the first step might be the hardest.
If you haven't woken up for fajr (the pre-dawn prayer)
for years, set five alarms today. Make a sincere
du'a' (supplication) to Allah (swt) before you sleep. Do it
over and over again. Seek forgiveness and plead with Him
to let you pray. You will not be disappointed. If you once
had a big dream for your community but were dejected by
people telling you to "be real," pick up where you left off.
Even if they are right and you never make it, because your
intention was for Him, you already made it. Any
achievement in this dunya (worldly life) is temporary, but
"[...] indeed, the home of the Hereafter - that is the
[eternal] life, if only they knew." (Qur'an 29:64 )
Don't give in. "[...] Despair not of relief from Allah.
Indeed, no one despairs of relief from Allah except
the disbelieving people." (Qur'an 12:87

May Allah make us sincere in every way...may he guide us to siratul mustaqeem...
Feel free to correct where necessary.....