The Productive Muslimah

Happiness in Islaam...

Bismillah
It turns out that happiness is a little hard to define. We all
know what it is, and we know when we are happy, but it is
difficult to put into words because it is so experiential. It is
one of these things that is an end in and of itself; people
want things in order to be happy, whether it is wealth,
health, or a dream we want to achieve. Wikipedia's
definition states that "Happiness is a mental or emotional
state of well-being characterized by positive or pleasant
emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy."
Psychologist Ed Diener, author of Happiness: Unlocking
the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth, describes it as a
combination of life satisfaction and having more positive
emotions than negative emotions.
Most of us would think that we would be "happy" if we
were able to obtain some life achievement, or that our
happiness would disappear if we lost our home in a fire
(God forbid). But psychologists have found that after
some period of adjustment, we actually go back to our
previous level of happiness, no matter what happens to us.
So happiness is a state that we can cultivate that does not
have to be permanently affected by the things that
happen to us externally. The more we work on our
happiness, the easier it is to come back to it after times of
hardship.
We all know people with very little wealth who appear to
be happy, and others who are very wealthy but are very
unhappy. While some of it can be genetic, tweaking these
external variables does not necessarily permanently
change the level of happiness. Therefore, there must be
something else.
In an article by the Mayo Clinic, they stated that "only 10
percent or so of the variation in people's reports of
happiness can be explained by differences in their
circumstances. It appears that the bulk of what determines
happiness is due to personality and - more importantly -
thoughts and behaviors that can be changed."
So we all know that happiness is not simply a giddy feeling
that we get now and then. It is something more. Happiness
can be described as a general state of contentment, or
redha.
Sa'ad bin Abi Waqqas, radi Allahu 'anhu (may God be
pleased with him), who is one of the ten Companions
promised paradise, said to his son: "If you ask for wealth,
then ask for contentment to accompany it. If contentment
does not accompany it, then no money will satisfy you."
The Pursuit of Happiness
There are two types "happinesses": in Jannah (Paradise)
and in this world. Jannah is a happiness that we pursue, it
is the permanent happiness, where there is no fear or
grief. And insha'Allah (God willing), everything that we do
should be geared for that: the pleasure of God and
Jannah.
But in this world, I do not believe in the pursuit of
happiness. That is not because I do not believe in happiness
in this world. It is quite the opposite. I just do not believe in
pursuing it, because when we say we are pursuing
happiness, we are implying that happiness is something
that is outside of us and that it is out of reach, which is
why we have to pursue it.
Yet Allah, subhanahu wa ta'ala (exalted is He), has made
happiness in this world easier than we think, because He
made it something inside of us that is not necessarily
dependent on the external. So we can pursue Jannah
while being in a state of contentment in this world, or we
can pursue it while being depressed-which one would you
rather have? Which one will enable you to be more
productive?
Question:
Do you think Allah (swt) wants you to be happy in this
world?
The answer to this question matters greatly. If you think
that you are meant to suffer, then that will become a self-
fulfilling prophecy. Every bad thing that happens becomes
a moment of "Of course I knew this would happen, I have
such terrible luck," as opposed to something we learn from
and grow as a result of. If we think Allah (swt) wants us to
suffer, then we will only find closeness to Him in pain. This
does not mean that we cannot find Allah (swt) in moments
of pain - and pain does help to return us to Allah - but we
should be able to go to Allah both in times of ease and in
hardship. So does He want us to be happy in this world?
Happiness in the Life of a Believer
My argument is that Allah (swt) wants us to be happy in
this world-especially when happiness is defined as a
general state of contentment. Why do I say this? Our
example, the Prophet ﷺ , was a balanced
man. His general state was one of contentment. He was
described as daa'im al-bushra , meaning he was always
optimistic and happy. He was serious when times called for
it, and that was to encourage reflection and
accountability, and prevent frivolity.
Moreover, we are taught that the best thing to do is make
others happy. The Prophet ﷺ said that the
most beloved deed to Allah (swt) after the obligatory acts
of worship is to bring joy to a fellow Muslim. He also said
that what necessitates forgiveness from Allah (swt) is
bringing joy to your brother (Tabarani). Finally he taught
us that the only reward for bringing joy to an entire
household is Paradise (Tabarani). When the Prophet
ﷺ found out that a child's pet bird had died,
he went to play with him to make him forgot about his
sorrow. If we are all busy making others happy, who is left
to be sad?
When people accepted Islam, they would be overjoyed
because they felt that Allah (swt) chose them. There is a
closeness that comes with that. When we study Allah's
Names, we find that many of them are geared towards
giving us some sort of comfort, such as as-Salaam (the
Source of Peace), al-Jabbar (He who mends what is
broken), al-Lateef (the Subtle and Kind), al-Fattah (the
Opener) and others. Allah (swt) comforts the Prophet
ﷺ when he was under distress. We are told
we will find rest in the remembrance of Allah (swt). The
Qur'an is filled with words of hope, which I will expand
upon later. The Prophet ﷺ taught us that
the affair of the believer is amazing because everything is
good for him-when he sees good, he thanks God, and
when he faces hardship, he is patient. If life was meant to
solely be depressing, why would Allah (swt) give us the
antidotes to sadness, despair and fear?
How to Be Happy
I started going through studies and articles written on
happiness and what makes people happy. I found that the
results were a combination of things, and most articles
mentioned gratefulness, optimism, purpose, love, and doing
good. All of these help us to reach a general state of
happiness or contentment.
Interestingly, all of these are virtues taught to us in the
Qur'an and by the Prophet ﷺ:
1. Gratefulness: We are told in the Qur'an: "And if you
should count the favors of Allah, you could not
enumerate them. Indeed, Allah is Forgiving and
Merciful" (Qu'ran, 18:18 ) [Unknown A1] . Taking a step back
and looking at the bigger picture, we can realize that all
of the blessings that we have can have a profound effect
on our well-being. Instead of focusing on what we do not
have, or the negative things that happened to us in a
day, we should focus on what we have been given.
2. Optimism: Every notice how some people just have good
energy? They tend to be optimistic people that can see
the good in situations where others only see negatives.
Allah (swt) teaches us how to have this outlook, when He
tells us "I am at my servant's opinion of Me," (Bukhari). If
you think well of Allah, that is what you will find. So Allah
is telling us that it is up to us. If we want to imagine a
grumpy god that wants wickedness for the world, well, it
is our own fault that that is what we see. But Allah (swt)
encourages us to think well of Him-He is teaching us the
Islamic outlook on life. He teaches us to be optimistic even
in times of distress, when He says, "So verily, with the
hardship, there is relief. Verily, with the hardship, there
is relief," (Qur'an, 94:5-6 ). Every hardship comes with at
least two reliefs, so focus on the good that Allah (swt)
gave you to help overcome the bad. Moreover, we are
also reminded "But perhaps you hate a thing and it is
good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad
for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not," (Qur'an,
2:216 ). Being optimistic means not seeing simply the
hardship, but what could be behind the hardship in terms
of lessons, and seeing that it could be a good thing.
3. Purpose: What is Islam about if not about defining our
purpose? A recent UCLA study showed that the
happiness that comes from having a deep sense of
meaning and purpose in life can contribute to favorable
gene-expression profiles. When you know what you are
pursuing, it makes everything worth it. So think: who do
you want to be? We all know we were sent worship God,
but we also know that besides the basics that we are all
required to do (such as prayers, fasting, alms-giving etc),
we each are unique in the way that we seek closeness to
Him. It could be through starting up an ethical business,
dedicating our lives to be an amazing teacher, striving to
be a wonderful parent, devoting our time to issues of
social justice-anything.
The best thing is, when you intend something, you will
have it if you sincerely work for it even if you never get
there. The Prophet ﷺ tells us about two
people, one whom God has bestowed with wealth and
knowledge, so he is able to spend that wealth in beneficial
ways; and another who only has knowledge, but wishes
that he had wealth in order to be able to do more. The
Prophet ﷺ said that these people are
rewarded exactly the same because we are rewarded in
accordance to our intention. Allah (swt) is teaching us to
dream big and to work hard, but to have a heart that is
at rest because we know the result is with Him.
4. Love: We all have people that love us. And it is important
to foster good relationships with our family and friends.
We are reminded again and again to have a good
relationship with our neighbors, our close friends and
our family. It is not only a duty, but also something that
enriches our life. And even if we think we do not have
anyone that loves us, then we should remember that
Allah (swt) loves us. And we should not for a moment let
shaytan (the Devil) tell us that this is not true. Why
would Allah (swt) allow you to read these words of
encouragement if He did not want what is best for you?
And why would He want what is best for you if He does
not love you?
Sadness is Normal Sometimes
This all might seem too easy. What about when things make
us sad? Didn't Allah (swt) say that He would test those He
loves the most? So how can reconcile these things?
First, it is natural to have our down moments. The Prophet
ﷺ was sad when he lost his son Ibrahim. He
suffered many hardships as well. When Aisha (ra) asked
him whether the Battle of Uhud was the most difficult
thing he went through, he said that it was the abuse he
was subjected to at Ta'if that was the worst. But notice
that he would point out incidents or events that were
hard, as opposed to saying, "My entire life is hard" or "This
was something I never got over."
Second, there is a difference between being tested
externally and being defeated internally. Yes, Allah (swt)
tests those He loves. But He only tests us with what we
can bear. This means that the stronger we are internally,
the more hardship we are able to bear. Allah (swt) does
not aim to destroy you but to build you. If you are at
peace, while you will be shaken by hardships, you will not
be broken, like the prophets and the righteous. Your
worldview will enable you to see the hardship for what it
is: temporary.
So when things go wrong, let yourself be sad as opposed
to bottling things up. The Prophet ﷺ wept
for his son. Things bothered him sometimes. But that was
not his general state. He did not dwell on his hardships.
Rather, his healthy internal state allowed him return to his
default, which was a state of gratefulness and optimism.
If you ever feel down or distressed, remember this
du'a' (supplication):
ﺍﻟﻠَّﻬُﻢَّ ﺇِﻧِّﻲ ﺃَﻋُﻮﺫُ ﺑِﻚَ ﻣِﻦْ ﺍﻟْﻬَﻢِّ ﻭَﺍﻟْﺤُﺰْﻥِ ﻭَﺍﻟْﻌَﺠْﺰِ ﻭَﺍﻟْﻜَﺴَﻞِ
ﻭَﺍﻟْﺒُﺨْﻞِ ﻭَﺍﻟْﺠُﺒْﻦِ ﻭَﺿَﻠَﻊِ ﺍﻟﺪَّﻳْﻦِ ﻭَﻏَﻠَﺒَﺔِ ﺍﻟﺮِّﺟَﺎﻝِ
Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal-hammi wal-Ḥuzni
wal-'ajazi wal-kasli wal-bukh li wal-jubni wa ḍala'Īd-
dayni wa gh alabatir-rijal.
O Allāh, I take refuge in You from anxiety and
sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and
cowardice, the burden of debts and from being
overpowered by men.
[Bukhari]
Practical Tips
When we talk about happiness, it is easy to talk about the
intangibles, but what are concrete ways to get there? I
have compiled a list that I hope will help, Insha'Allah :
1. Realize that happiness is truly from within. Let
go of holding onto to stress and fear, and realize that
Allah (swt) gave you the power to affect your internal
state. Allah says He is what we think of Him, so we need to
live in accordance with that opinion and internalize that
good opinion of Him.
2. Build hope and faith in Allah, and develop your
relationship with Him: this is your asset and will get
you through things. Study His Names, focus on connecting
to Him through your prayers, reflect over the Qur'an and
have secret good deeds that no one knows about but Him.
3. Develop yourself: No two days in the day of a Muslim
should be the same. Learn new things. Read. Cultivate the
"sound heart". Work on your interpersonal skills. The
Prophet ﷺ said that wisdom is the lost
property of the believer, so we should be seeking wisdom
in all its forms.
4. Smile: It's a sunnah (tradition of the Prophet
ﷺ) as we know, and psychological studies
have shown that smiling can increase your happiness
levels and lift your spirits. Fun study: Wayne State
University scientists in Detroit concluded that those
athletes who smiled more in their pictures lived on average
seven years longer than those who did not.
5. Do good: There are countless ahadeeth (sayings of
the Prophet) that encourage us to do good for others,
without expecting anything for ourselves. The Prophet
ﷺ gave his time in addition to his wealth to
people who needed it. Allah (swt) says in the Qu'ran,
"Indeed, those who have believed and done righteous deeds
- the Most Merciful will appoint for them
affection" (Qu'ran, 19:96 ). Meaning Allah (swt) will show
His love for you! Moreover, one of Allah's Names is ash-
Shakoor; He appreciates and gives back even more than
you put in when you do good!
A paper by Dr. Suzanne Richards and colleagues at the
University of Exeter Medical School, Exeter, UK, found that,
"volunteering is associated with lower depression,
increased well-being, and a 22 percent reduction in the risk
of dying." Karen Reivich, Ph.D., a research associate in the
Positive Psychology Center at the University of
Pennsylvania found that happiness is "also feeling a
connection to something larger than yourself. When
people are in service to something bigger, they describe
their lives as filled with meaning. It's not the smiley face,
but when it's all over, you realize you'd do it again."
6. Express gratitude: It is one thing to be grateful, and
another thing to express it. Allah (swt) tells us "If you are
grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]," (Qur'an,
14:7 ). You will be given more-materially-but also
spiritually. There will be barakah , which means increase.
For example, you have an hour to do things but find that
you can do so much. You have little money but it is always
enough for you. And gratitude is not just in expressing it
to God. Remember that the Prophet ﷺ said,
"whoever has not thanked people has not thanked
God" (Abu Dawud). It applies with both the big things
(showing your parents how much appreciate them) and
with the small (simply saying thank you when the barista
gives you your coffee). This short clip shows an
experiment conducted on the link between expressing
gratitude and people's happiness, and is well worth the
watch:
7. Sleep well: Remember that your body has a right over
you. When a man came to the Prophet ﷺ
saying that he prayed all night long, the Prophet
ﷺ reminded him that his body and his
family had rights over him. In the Qur'an, we are taught
that Allah (swt) "...made your sleep [a means for] rest, And
made the night as clothing, And made the day for
livelihood" ( 78:9-11 )
This really does not need a study, but studies have shown
that bad sleep is detrimental to your mood, and of course,
makes it hard to wake up in the morning. A University of
Michigan study showed that just getting an extra hour of
sleep at night has more of an effect on daily happiness
than making $60,000 more in annual income!
8. Develop a relationship with your family: I put this
as a separate point to the above because I feel that it
requires extra focus. The Prophet ﷺ tells
us, "The best of you are those who are best to their
families," (Tirmidhi). What we go home to also influences us.
Many of us live with our parents, and we have heard
countless talks about the obedience to parents. But our
relationship with our parents is so much more than
obedience, and characterizing the relationship in that way
makes it rigid and dry. In the Qur'an we are told to
"accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness
and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in
repentance]" (31:15 ). The word is used is saahibhuma,
which is from the root that gives us the word saahib :
companion. Some of us may have difficult relationships
with our parents, and so this part is extra hard if we feel
disconnected from them. But remember, we are rewarded
for our efforts. Find something in common between you.
Maybe your mother enjoys reading and your father loves
a certain sport. You can try to find those little things that
will transform your relationship.
9. Eat well: Allah (swt) says: "O children of Adam, take
your adornment at every masjid, and eat and drink, but be
not excessive. Indeed, He likes not those who commit
excess" (Qur'an, 7:31 ). While studies are not conclusive,
there are links between what we eat and how it affects
our mood in the long-term. It is most likely linked to overall
health, but see this article and this one for "happy" foods.
10. Be fit: The Prophet ﷺ was fit and
barely had a belly into his 60s. The sahaba , the
Companions (ra) played sports. Allah (swt) created us in a
certain way: you use your body well, and it will help you
when you are old. A Duke University study suggested that
moderate aerobic exercise has a longer and more lasting
effect on mood than medication alone for people with
depression. A Canadian study found that being physically
active was associated with 85 percent higher odds of being
happy and people who changed from being inactive to
active were more likely to report feeling happy two and
four years later.
11. Have discipline: Jaber bin Abdullah (ra), one of the
companions, was carrying a piece of meat. "Umar saw him
and said, 'What is this Jaber?' To which Jaber replied 'I
desired some meat so I bought it.' Umar looked at him and
said 'And do you buy whatever you desire?'"
This last one might seem counter-intuitive. Getting
whatever we desire should make us happy, right? Not
according to a research study published in the Journal of
Personality , which found that exerting self-control can
make you happier both in the long-term and in the moment.
Disciplined people are able to avoid situations of
temptation, and therefore avoid situations in which their
goals or morals would conflict. It is not simply about being
in a situation and preventing yourself from acting on your
lust, but it is, as Islam teaches, avoiding situations where
there is a higher risk of desires taking control over you.
The research concluded that these people are good
managers, and experienced fewer negative emotions as a
result. Moreover, being disciplined with our goals or even a
little to-do list helps instill a sense of achievement, which in
turn makes us more productive and happy.
May we all be believers with hearts filled with
contentment!