Girls Like Girls. (I'll Stop the World and Melt with You)

Chapter 2

What's this a longer chapter? It's more for you glen coco! You go glen coco!

_______________________________________

You think back to just after the fight, when things had changed or finally, inevitably fallen into place.

When you continue what should never have been stopped.

When your lips found each other's and fully, truly consumed one other.

At that moment you'd have given anything to stay frozen in time, just you and her together like always, but finally joined.

After you recovered enough from being carried away with the kissing-it took everything in you to pull away- so you could tell her to go on home while you sort some things out. Her eyes turn anxious and you can't help leaning forward to kiss away any apprehension, there's no regret in what had occurred between you two.

It could never feel wrong. It makes you wonder why you fought against it in the first place. She looks distrustfully at your boyfriend-or should you say ex boyfriend- one of the reasons why. You assure her it would all be okay, you give one last lingering hug and a promise to follow as soon as you can.

After you managed to bring him back to consciousness, and calm Trenton long enough to provide answers,( "No I've never cheated on you", at least not in the physical sense, "If I'd wanted to spice things up in our sex life, a threesome wouldn't be it, and he should dare to dream it's never gonna happen." ) you tell him you'll answer more of his questions the next day. You're not sure if he agrees because he had some sense knocked into or was it out of him.

_______________________________________

You followed the familiar steps to her home not long after. Strange how everything had changed and yet felt exactly the same. Coley all but pulled the door off its hinges when you knocked, she took one look at your face before pulling you into her arms asking if you were alright. You don't answer, you just snuggle in gratefully, wondering at this girl, she was unreal. She had her face banged up and possibly sustained a concussion yet she was more concerned about you.

She had taken your hand and led you down another familiar path-to almost sacred grounds, her bedroom, making a detour to the closest bathroom to pick up the first aid kit.

She was being brave when you applied the ointment to clean the cut, for every stifled hiss of pain you place a kiss on her face. You think towards the end she was making pained noises on purpose.

She had passed out not too long after. You're almost jealous of how she rests easy in uninhibited slumber. Breathing evenly, gently snoring in her bed mere hours after everything went down.

You're too wired, jumpy. A million thoughts going through your head.

You think about pain. How it's inevitable. How we choose the ones that cause it and in turn, how we cause it to others.

_________________________________________

Your parents gave you your first dose. With their neglect, their absence, their playing 'pass the daughter' when they couldn't put up with you anymore. They left you feeling unwanted, and unworthy of love.

They say charity begins at home, so should a lot of other things like Trust, Acceptance, Love.

That first cut was the deepest. It healed somewhat, scarred eventually, but it didn't heal quite right. You were never quite right.

You became immune to feelings, you hardened yourself, learned not to expect, not to care too much, not too hope. You can honestly say that you're used to a life of inevitable pain and disappointment always going hand in hand.

Maybe somehow in some twisted way you craved it, having to fight for attention. You felt like if it wasn't worth the fight then it wasn't worth your time.

Trenton never really put enough effort, he was drunk half the time and too rough, and possessive; it almost seemed like he deliberately marked you to show everyone that he owned you. You have to remind yourself that in the beginning he was funny, cool and unattainable all the things that drew you to him.

It hurts all the more with her. With Coley, because it's always worse when it's unintentional, because she knows nothing, can't help the kind of pain she causes. It's not physical but sometimes it is. With your heart getting squeezed, and your insides twisting into complicated knots whenever she did something so unbridedly sweet, leave secret messages and doodles that never fail to elicit a smile on your notebooks, help you paint your nails, order your favorite coffee drink (even though she hated coffee) just so you could take sips when you finished yours.

There's this pain, something so overwhelming that overrides your senses. It's all longing. Pining. The pain of wanting and never having, although you know she's yours to have, if you wanted.

You never had to fight for her- Coley has always somehow belonged to you and you to her-- but she was always worth it.

It's in lingering looks and touches, special smiles. In silly moments in the dark of your room, dancing, giggling on your bed talking about everything and nothing.

It was there even in the beginning when you first moved to the suburban neighborhood and Coley was the serious eleven year old who didn't talk much in school, she only spoke when spoken to. She hung out with a couple of girls, girls who seemed to coax out little doses of something you wanted to uncover. She was a mystery to you, as an expert in desperately putting up careful fronts to seem like you belonged, she was her own person, much more than you. She truly wasn't interested in fitting in. Refusing to go with the flow, she swam against the current.

When everyone made noise she hummed and buzzed, it was a frequency you were weirdly, especially attuned to.

You couldn't help noticing that she had the nicest, prettiest, genuine smile. You remember seeing that smile unabashed and especially bright, painted across her features whenever she biked past your house on her yellow bike daily. You don't admit to yourself that you stand outside waiting for her to bike past.

You don't know when it occurs to you to make an effort. When you started wanting to be the reason behind that smile.

You do know how hard you worked to appear casual when the moment finally came, when you you stopped her one day, asking something inconsequential about the neighborhood.

You asked if there was a park or a place to get away to, to meet other kids anyone their age.

She's quiet at first, shrugging, " I don't really get out much, or meet other kids our age around here, except for you." she says shy, and fidgety "But if you're up for the real deal, I can give you the Coley Steven's private tour, if you'd like." she offers, tentatively playful.

"Yes, I would. Do lead the way then, tour master or Coley Stevens."

"We can stick with just Coley."

"Okay, Just Coley." you say and it's lame but she's amused and you don't have it in yourself to be embarrassed.

She laughs and something falls into place inside you, something warm and oozing and carefree something foreign; like hope.

She's all too happy to show you around, brightens up at the prospect of helping out, and there's that smile. And suddenly she's letting you in, and it's blinding her lightness, it's infectious...that's when you know for sure that you can't help wanting it, her, around you always.

_________________________________________

So...watcha think? Hate it love it, wanna burn it. Please do tell me all bout it