2 A.M Musings

Noise

The soft sound of piano keys filled the otherwise silent room. It was not a sad tune, yet it seemed lonely. If someone were standing outside the door to that room, they would just be able to make out the sound of the music that managed to escape from the room through cracks between the wall and the door. If they were to listen carefully, though, they might have just been able to hear very and absolutely muffled sobs. But no one stood outside the door. No one bothered to try listening to make sure everything was alright inside. That was better for her, though, for there was a reason for her sobs being muffled by her blanket and pillow. She didn't want to worry anybody or make a fuss about it because it wasn't anything anyone could help her with. It was a war within herself, something she needed to figure out on her own.

At this point, even the music couldn't drown out the hundred voices in her head, all yelling words she couldn't make out. It was so noisy that she broke down unable to do anything else. If she ever tried sharing this with anyone, they might have just said,"They're all your voices in your head. You can control them because...well...they're your voice!" Yes, it may seem crazy when you can't even make the voices in your own head quiet, but was she crazy? Absolutely not. She was a normal human being with too many thoughts, too many questions, too many doubts about herself. She knew that talking to anyone wouldn't help because, as I said earlier, it was something she needed to figure out for herself.

It was quite simple actually. If anybody else had heard her problem they would simply say,"Change your attitude and mindset. There's no other way to it," and that was why she beat herself up over and over again. Why couldn't she change her mindset? 'Simple,'she thought,'I'm just a lazy piece of garbage who can't set my mind to anything.' She knows that in order to get back on her feet, literally, that she would have to work hard to make the pain go away. Unless she did, she could just throw away her dreams. She knew this very well, and yet, she wondered whether her reason for not doing so seriously was because this wasn't where her true passion lay. Or was it because of the external pressure from her elders saying making her want to throw away something that was truly her passion? If so, wasn't it a sort of rebellion on her part? She was very aware of this fact as well. These were repeated thoughts. Almost like a mantra, every night before she went to bed, she would go through it all quietly and slowly fall asleep in her tears.

Tonight, once again, she lay back on her bed holding onto her ankle to comfort the pain, and shut her eyes hoping to fall into an eternal sleep because in her dreams she had no boundaries. She had nothing holding her back.

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A/N: Right, so I was just letting my thoughts flow. Hope you like it. Some parts may feel like it doesn't flow but as I said, I literally just kept going with my train of thought so please bear with any random or sudden transitions! Thanks for reading! :)