thoughts of a girl in love

thirteen

t/w: rape
day 35

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help me.

oh god save me, i want to leave this world.

i want to die!

his friends came in the middle of the night - all five of them. through my open window and into my bedroom. i thought no one was going to come in my room that night; no one had before! i left the window unlocked.

i was so stupid.

they came in and locked my door. they locked my window, and covered the blinds. the strongest one held me down. i tried screaming for help - i tried yelling for my parents who were down the hall, or even for my sister who was next door. but they gagged me.

then they stripped me down and...

and they raped me.

for the third time in my life, i had been raped for breaking a promise or saying something that i shouldn't have said.

i didn't tell my parents this time.

they wouldn't believe me anyway.

the first time they cared, the second time they thought i was joking.

this time they would think i was making it up.

all five of them did things to me; and i couldn't stop it.

i couldn't stop anything, i couldn't do anything. i could only cry and try to scream more until my body gave way.

i stayed home drinking whisky and crying.

he called me millions of times.

and i didn't answer a single one.

i didn't want him to care - he should worry about himself. i broke a promise; i deserved this.