The Impossible Wants

He Knows

About a week later I saw him and it wasn't because he was gone it was because I was focused. He seemed normal. That night I texted him. 

Hey

Hi

What you doing? 

Homework 

I have something to tell you.

About 30 mins later he texted me back. What?

I like you. I like you a moderate amount and I don't care what you think. 

Ok.

Those two letters broke my heart. It hurt because he didn't say more. It hurt because he left me with no answer basically. Whenever I text him, I know it will be awkward at school. He is nice. He is sweet. He is sensitive and strong. He is self-less most of the time and he is adventurous. There is one thing wrong with all of these things, one thing missing. He will never be mine. Someday's I accept it and others I can't. There are nights were I can't go to sleep because I am so happy or so sad. 

I dated him once. It was only for six months, but it felt real to me. And I think it felt real to him. One day when we were texting, I found out that it hurt him too. 

Me: Hey. My heart hurts because I found out that the guy I liked likes one of my friends. 

Him: I'm sorry. 

Me: Is this how it felt when I left you. 

Him: Yeah. It hurt, but its in the past. It's okay. 

Me: If you felt as bad as I feel right now, that is not okay. That is terrible. I'm sorry I hurt you. 

Him: It happened its over, it's fine. I'm okay

Why did I not believe him? I felt something was wrong and I felt like I put cement in his heart. I never knew that kind of pain was possible until this happened. I felt like shit, and I hated that feeling. 

Today, we had a reading rewards day. When it got to the 3rd rotation, he was in that rotation. I didn't see him much, but enough to know that he didn't need me to be happy. When we went for lunch he was there to and he was behind me when we went down the stairs. He held the door for me, I said thanks. He is so nice, but he will NEVER be mine again. 

PART 4 ON SUNDAY