how to never stop being sad [ON HOLD]

8

// repeat to yourself that
they're not really gone
time has proven that fooling
yourself into believing
a lie is the most effective
way to deal with things
you have no control over //

as you sit in you bed crying at night you probably won't tell yourself how lucky you are to be living this life, you won't think about the people who love you (because in your mind no one could possibly love you), you won't even say that you want to be alive.

if something bad happens you'll instant blame yourself, not because you actually did it but because you feel you could've done something to fix it, you'll tell yourself that you're a fuck up or that you don't deserve to be happy maybe even use a blade to let your blood filled with mistakes pour out from under your skin.

you don't remind yourself to treat you better, because you don't deserve happiness. right? as you cross the road you don't look left and right, you don't even listen for cars because you want to get hit by one (it's obviously best way to make your death seem accidental).

you should remind yourself that you're sad every chance you get, when you look in the mirror after a shower you see your scars (they serve as a constant reminder of your loneliness), as you walk into your room and see your unmade bed (it reminds you of sleepless nights full of sad thoughts).

why? you ask yourself every night your pillow is wet with your own salty tears. you have no control over this sadness, really? you refuse to treat yourself better yet you still ask why you are full of nothing? you drain the blood from your own precious body yet you ask yourself why you want to die? you fill your head up with constant numb thoughts of death but you still try fool yourself into believing that you have no control over this sadness?

right?