A Diamond In The Rust

Stupid Feli and his Stupid Advice

It's been a month. A whole fucking month has passed and I still haven't told Esmeralda how I feel. I'm still dating an unaware Femke and I'm still hooking up with a single Esmeralda. Of course, I couldn't handle keeping it all to myself anymore; I was becoming a sad mess, even tough guys like me have to vent. So I told Feli. Now, it took a lot out of me to go ahead and tell my stupid brother. Why? Because my feelings were confidential, because this whole situation was a touchy and top secret one, and let's face it, when Feliciano starts talking, he doesn't have a filter. I paced back and forth, in front of the door, thinking of all the shit that could go down with one more person knowing about my uh...rendezvous . After a while, I couldn't take it any more and burst in his room. He had been lying on his stupid light blue bed talking on the phone. Who he was talking to wasn't even a question any more. You didn't have to be Sherlock fucking Holmes to know he was talking to Ludwig. He squealed at my sudden entrance and fell on the floor.

"Fratello! You scared the begesis out of me!" he clutched his heart and giggled, holding the phone to his chest.

"Get off the fucking phone and pay attention to me" he looked at me, confused as if I was speaking a totally different language. "Well? Do I have to repeat myself" I shot daggers at him and he quickly jumped up and told Ludwig he'd call him back tonight. I watched him as he set his phone down and settle back into his bed. He looked up at me, grinning, and then frowning. He asked me if I was okay, I told him to shut up. He pouted, but like hell I was going to tell him my heart was twisting and my palms were sweaty. No one can blame me, it's always hard to confess and  tell your darkest secrets to someone. I mean, how do I even get started? Hey bro, I've been cheating on my two year girlfriend with a girl I used to want nothing to do with. And you wanna know the funniest part? I think I might love her but I don't have the balls to tell her.

Feliciano brought his knees to his chest and tilted his head at me, probably wondering why I hadn't begun yelling at him yet...Shit, we haven't had a heart to heart venting secrets moment in....never. I sighed, a large and heavy sigh and sat down in his soft bed. This caused him to stare at me with even more burning confusion.

"I uh...I have something I need to get off my chest..." I began, looking down at my feet, turning all my attention to my shoelaces.

"Oh! Are we sharing secrets?" He lit up, leaning towards me.

"No!" I snapped at him, causing him to shrink back away from me and he leaned against the headboard. I took another heavy  sigh, hands running across the top of his baby blue comforter. "No, we're not", my voice was a little softer, maybe even a bit shaky, but it didn't loose any of it's snap. "I have to tell you something, but don't think it's because I trust you or want you in my life okay. You can't laugh at me, save your questions until the end, absolutely do not even think about fucking interrupting". I looked over at him, to make sure he was paying attention. He grinned and nodded enthusiastically.

And that's when I told him everything, from beginning up until now. He was silent, as if unsure if I had finished or not. I glanced at him, he was staring right at me with a soft smile and had inched closer to me sometime during my confession.

"What the hell are you smiling at?" I fucking knew it. I was just being ridiculous and I shouldn't be over thinking and there was no way Esmeralda liked me back...I heard Feliciano giggle and I punched his knee. "I thought I told you not to fucking laugh at me!"

He whimpered, "Sorry sorry! It's just adorable!". His stupid face lit up as I glared at him. There was nothing adorable about this and I demanded to know what the hell he was talking about. "You guys are so in love!".

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Okay, I'm not sure your stupid head got everything I just said. Here, let me start from the beginning..."

"No!" he quickly interrupted me before I got the chance to restart. "I did get everything Fratello! You see, it's the unexpectedness and suddenness of it all that's turning your head into mush!" he spoke excitedly and bounced up and down in his spot on the bed. "You see Lovino, you didn't have time to establish the 'I like you's', you just went straight for the smoochies! So it means you guys obviously find each other pretty, but neither of you want to confirm anything in fear of messing things up! I think you should fess up, fratelleo. Esmeralda is a very pretty girl and you are so handsome!"

Thanks for telling me what I already knew. Well that was no help. I stood up and walked out, frowning deeply and shuffling my way to my room. What was I even looking for? I already mapped out all the answers, they just feel so far away and made up. Was I expecting Feliciano to pull out a voice recording of Esmeralda saying she liked me back? Maybe, but it's better than what that idiot had said. I slumped onto my own bed, face first into the pillow. Maybe if I stayed here long enough, I'd stop breathing. The corner of my eye caught a flashing light, curiosity causing me to lift my head up. So much for the death by pillow plan.

The flash was coming from my phone. I groaned as my hand reached out to grab it, it could literally be anyone trying to get a hold of me and I don't like socializing with anyone. I almost puked out my stomach when I saw who was calling me. Not Esmeralda, not Femke, not Santino to call me in for work...no, far from it. It was Antonio. I asked myself why I still had his number saved...then I remembered it was for moments like this so I could know in advance not to answer or text back. My finger hovered above the answer icon before I switched over and pounded on the end icon, making the bastard go straight to voice mail. I waited, chewing on my lip, listening for the sound of my phone to tell me he had bothered to leave a message. Every little noise caused my heart to stop and my hand to grab my phone. But nothing. I took a deep breath, calming down. Why the hell was he calling me? I hope it had nothing to do with his ex girlfriend A.K.A Esmeralda...I gulped as I got into my sheets and stared at my plain wall. Whatever it was, I just wish he shrugged it off and I wouldn't have to hear about it tomorrow at school.