I Think I Just Legalized Love

Chapter 10

Sorry, it's short!

10

A few minutes later, Miles’s parents and Abby walk in the room. When we heard them outside, Miles jumped up and grabbed the sign, walking to move it over somewhere in the corner. When they walk in, I somehow lose my smile. Abby runs over and hugs me. I hug her back. “Never do that again,” she says.

            “I’ll try,” I say.

            “You better.”

“Jason, come on. Don’t be shy,” Miles tells me.

            “I’m not shy, I’m scared. I don’t feel like getting punched in the face today,” I say. Miles grabs my hand but I pull it away. “No! I can’t!”

            “Okay, look. I know you’re scared, but can we not keep this a secret anymore? I’m tired of not being able to do anything with you in front of anyone! And even when we’re alone all we do is talk!”

            “Would you rather show our affection in public where some bitch is gonna beat us up, or show our affection alone where we won’t die?”

            “If someone starts beating us up, we run okay? Who cares if they think we’re cowards? But how likely is it that it will happen this time?”

            “Likely. Very likely.”

            “Do you have the theoretical probably to show me now to prove it?”

            “No, Miles. But I’m pretty sure it’s going to happen.”

            “Are you a fortune teller?”

            “Seriously?”

            “Yeah, seriously.” Miles grabs my hand but I pull it away. He gives me a semi-angry semi-sad look. “How much do you love me?” he asks.

            “A lot. I’d dig a guy’s guts out alive with a spoon if he hurt you.”

            Miles scoffs. “Then why are you so strongly refusing to just hold my hand in public?”

            “Because I’m scared I’m gonna get punched in the face and-or I won’t be able to help you if you get beat up.”

            “I know you’re scared, but can you please just try to face this fear?”

            “I’ve tried before and it never worked! I’m not going anywhere holding any guy’s hand no matter what until people see how it’s not different or bad or any of that shit! I’m not going out there showing my homosexuality until people won’t beat the crap out of me, or you! I can’t stand it! It’s driving me insane, Miles!”

            He just looks at me. “Jason… Ple –.”

            “You can’t persuade me to go out there, Miles! You’re braver than me! I’m a fucking coward!”

            “You’re not a coward, Jason! What kind of coward would go to school everyday even though he knows he’ll get beat up? What coward would go to a protest to defend his right to marry whom he wants to marry? What coward would kiss his boyfriend in front of the person who beats him up everyday? What coward would agree to go to a party with his boyfriend and show his love for his boyfriend there?” He grabs my hands and puts his nose next to mine, his lips almost touching mine. “What coward would get addicted to hurting himself because of him not being accepted?” He presses his lips against mine, and his hands move to my neck. I let Miles kiss me for a little while, and then we both pull away. “Please?”

            I shake my head slowly, my forehead rubbing against his. “I’m sorry.” I feel Miles’s hands hold my face. “I want to, but I can’t.”

            “I love you, Jason.”

            “I know. I love you too, Miles. I’m just really scared.”

            “I know. I won’t make you anymore, okay? Sorry.”

            “It’s fine. Forget about it.”

            “No, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t make you have to do something you don’t want to do.”

            “Seriously, just don’t worry about it. I should be able to go out there without fighting with you and just hold your hand.” We stand there not talking, Miles holding my face, my hands holding the inside of his elbows and me looking down at his feet.

            “What if we became famous?” Miles says out of nowhere.

            “What?”

            “Like what if we put a band together or something and became famous? I don’t know, just an idea. What do you think it’d be like?”

            “I don’t know, maybe fun, exciting, but also miserable. Miserable because of rumors maybe and hate and crap.”

            “Eh, we don’t have to pay attention to that crap.”

            “It’ll never happen though. I mean…”

            “True.”

            After a short silence and a few half-second glances at each other, I say, “Fine. I will walk out there with you. I’m stupid for being scared of it.”

            “It’s normal because the world sucks.” Miles takes my hand, and I walk out the door of the hotel with him – I guess, finally. “Where to?” he asks.

            “I don’t know. Just somewhere.”