Human

Adam

Fingernails long gone and blood surfacing the tip of his fingers, Adam looked around the library and nearly had a panic attack right then and there. It wasn't the unbearable silence nor the cold glare the librarian was sending his way, it was just the air that nipped at his skin every millisecond and the way someone around him, at all sides, was sliding their chair back and standing up just to find another book that appealed to their interest.

Adam wanted to leave.

Adam needed to leave.

But of course—like any downfall of any situation—Adam was banned from driving, and catching a bus, and walking.. by himself that is.

So with that in mind, Adam scooted farther down into the reclining chair and shut his eyes and shoved his earbuds into his ears.
Instantly, much to Adam's solace, music beguiled his ears like a winter harmony and suddenly he didn't feel as distraught as usual. By now, he had at least a hour and a half before his mother would be there to pick him up. He understood wholeheartedly why he was left to rely on his mother; after all, the biggest issue was him—himself. He wished it wasn't that way, but he couldn't help it, nor could he help himself. That's how everything turned out.

—

On his twelfth birthday, Adam didn't get out of bed. He laid there and stared at meaningless nothingness until both of his parents came in and jumped on his twin size bed in glee. It was ironic, he thought: how they were happy and he was quite the opposite. He wondered why a twelve year old would feel this way, but he came up with nothing and shouldered back that thought. Adam threw a somewhat smile on his face and matched his parent's excitement. It disgusted him; repulsive and disturbed he felt after that. He faked happiness. Throughout the whole day, Adam was appalled at himself. But, what could he do?

He didn't know why he felt that way.

He didn't know what he was feeling.

He didn't know why it seemed to happen on his birthday.

He didn't know what it meant.

He didn't understand why not even a slice of his favorite cake couldn't heighten his bliss.

So, Adam made it a rule to never ever fake something he wasn't. Whether it pained him or not.

And later, this rule ended up bringing pain to everyone but Adam.

—

Now, at the age of eighteen, Adam was solitary and very much friendless. He was left with one parent and a rundown apartment. A final year of high school which was took online, and no intentions on going to college. Adam just wanted to get through life with no worry and panic.

This satisfied Adam.

Adam was selfish.

Adam was content.

That is until his mother signed him up for a support group.