handle | dolan

3 - april 8th

Tara Rayes

"Tara, come on. You can't keep quiet forever," my mom says and drops her fork. I still don't say anything and just continue to stab my meal without eating it.

"I know you're upset and I get why. But please, let me explain this to you. I didn't do it to punish you."

I roll my eyes, still don't look at her. "Then explain it to me," I sigh, finally giving in.

I surely got this stubbornness from her. She can be just as stubborn as me, if not even more. In most cases, I'm the one giving in, because I got a little of the kindness and frankness from my dad, which mixes everything up. Like in this case.

"You actually do this for your father."

Caught off guard I stare at her. I didn't count with such an answer. Apologetic and embarrassed I look onto my plate.

"For these three months inside the house you get a lot of money. Really, a huge amount. It would be enough to pay the therapy for dad."

I rethink about the situation. I could actually help my father, with simply staying in a house - a super modern and beautiful one, by the way - like on a vacation. I would do everything for my dad, this was always my opinion.

Included giving my phone and my laptop up for three whole weeks?

What would happen to my fan accounts? What if something really important would happen while I was away? And I wouldn't even know about it.

Since that whole Zayn Malik left One Direction-story I am really worried.

And what could I even do there? Without my phone, my laptop, Netflix ... Just sleeping or what? I wouldn't have a life there!

"I'm sorry, Mom. I really am. I didn't know that," I try to explain but fail.

"I don't blame you. How could you know that? Now you know and I want an answer. I can still cancel everything." Her light blue eyes never leave me and are soft while she waits for me to say something.

I count all the pro's and con's and don't come to a conclusion.

"I'll be bored to death," I whine. "My whole life depends on social media and the internet."

"You know, there are books. You could read."

I grimace and wrinkle my nose in disguist. "You're kidding me."

My mother sighs. "You could discover new hobbies. Maybe you've got undiscovered skills."

I just look at her and don't know what to say. She must be kidding me.

"When is it even? Still in this year?"

"Um, well, next month. You'll be there from may to july."

"What?!" is the first thing that comes into my mind. May? Next month?!

My mom sighs and continues to eat her food. She lightly shakes her head, so slightly that you could almost not see it.

"Sorry, I'm just surprised. I didn't count with such a soon date ..."

My mom looks up from her plate and at me, now with sympathy. "It is soon. But Tara, I want to be completely honest with you. If we ... If we wait any longer, I don't think ... that it'll be better for your dad. You know, we can't lose any more time ..." Her voice became more and more sad and quiet towards the end.

There is a long moment where neither of us say anything. After what feels like a century of silence my mom soflty speaks up, "You have to make a decision soon."