I feel like absolute shit rn. On top of everything that's happening rn my bestest friend is hurting very badly and wants to do something bad to herself and it's breaking my heart. I feel so helpless, I don't know how to help her and it's killing me on the inside. Like my best friend, I also feel very depressed rn and for the past few weeks too. I've been keeping everything in, trying to spare everyone the trouble of me. I guess that's like poison, slowly killing me in addition to my best friend's pain. I know it's not good to keep things bottles up but I just can't burden other people like that. I really want to cut. To feel the metal pierce my skin and open it up. And see the blood bead up. As fucked up as that is it helps and I'm longing for it right now. But I'm fighting my urges because my best friend told me she would do worse than what I do if I do it. I don't think she would act that stupid but I don't want to risk it, until I can't bare it any more. Idk wtf to do rn, I wish I could just disappear into nothingness, then I wouldn't be able to cause trouble for others.
