Maybe I should have introduced myself before I even started. I'm not going to use my real name because its very...distinctive. So I'll just say that my name is S and I'm a 15 year old girl who lives in New Zealand. My hobbies include switching through the same 3 apps and listening to music that was released 3 years ago. I also love to read.
I discovered Wattpad back in 2014 when I started High School and now I'm hooked. I love reading the many great books on here. One book that I absolutely loved reading was 'Blink' written by the user 'Joy Cronje'. I highly recommend that book as it is one of my favourites.
A lot of people here on Wattpad are actually aspiring to become writers and are using this app to showcase their talent. Me on the other hand, I want to use it as a way to vent about my life and try to get what goes on in my head down into actual words that make sense. I want to try and see if writing it down will help me feel better. You see I am not alright. I am gonna use this as a way to get things off of my chest because I constantly feel... I don't know any one word to describe it. I feel like I don't matter at all. Like I am very lonely even though I know I am surrounded by people who love me. Like I don't have anybody that makes me feel extra special and loved. There was a period of time (and by that I mean two hours) I called this feeling depression but I think thats a bit extreme. I associate depression with darkness and being closed off. I don't necessarily see myself that way as I am described as a funny, happy person by my friends (I think 😂).
So now I just call this feeling "blah". I feel blah and I don't like it. What I hate even more is that I can't tell anyone else because I hate opening up to my loved ones and talking about my feelings. I can't even tell my own mother I love her because I get all awkward and weird. Last year on my 15th birthday, she told me she loved me and I replied "Love you too... Do you know what day the rubbish truck comes?" It was a rushed reply and was really awkward. Like who responds like that? Me. This dumb and awkward hunk of meatloaf. I asked her about the rubbish trucks! What the actual fuck was going on in my head?
Well fast forward and I am here now on the 3rd of February 2016 starting what I hope helps me cope with what ever the hell is going on with me. If anyone does manage to see this, maybe you could help me?
YOU ARE READING
Am I Okay?
Non-FictionThis isn't really a book. I just feel like I need a way to express my feelings without having to talk to anyone about them.
