Waiting for Nothing

Ever wonder about what he’s doing 

How it all turned to lies 

Sometimes I think that it’s better to never ask why 

It wasn’t always this way. It didn’t start this way. Maybe along the way the love we thought we knew, changed. The people we think we were, evolved. Suddenly, we don’t share the love we once passionately thrived on. Rapidly, we became two people so different from one another, so incompatible, yet struggling to hold on to what remains of a once flourishing relationship.

I met you in college, that humid summer day when students romp around campus in shorts as they play Frisbee or volleyball. While you twisted and turned for the Frisbee, my heart made a somersault of its own. It was weird for me for I was never the girl-with-her-head-in-the-sky type, who waited for prince charming to come knock me off my feet, You see, in this time and age, boys knock you up then leave you; they don’t bring happily-ever-afters. But it was one of those freak moments in time, when the self-righteous girl who wasn’t exactly looking for romance came to face her worst nightmare: love.

We took the road most early love birds take: a couple of dates, some smooching here and there, and that one moment after a family dinner at your place that I realized two things: one, I am in love with you and two, you introduced me as a close friend. I know for a fact that you’re no Irish, and that meant either that you kiss “girl-friends” for fun, or I am in a way more complicated road. Not only did I have to eat dinner with your parents pretending that we don’t do occasional snogging, I sat there thinking why the hell was I just a friend.

Are you a trisexual, trying all sexes? Are you looking for an easy catch? Was I subjected to an age old college bet? Or am I the other girl? The one forever hidden under the label “friend”? The one you hide under a guy name in your phone contacts? The one you feed lies to?

I should have seen it: the recurring boys night out, the female scent in your car, the super late night drives, the “let’s go where no one can see us” mentality of yours. I should have seen it; that recurring face in your family photos in your living room. I mean I knew she wasn’t your sister, or your cousin so why in sweet hell didn’t I bother to ask?

Cheating. Deception, Pseudo-relationship. Sometimes, you just don’t have the guts to ask why.