Head Above Water

11. The Attack

For the next month I avoided everyone—even Connor and Jillian. I became a robot, going mechanically from class to class, practice to practice, only allowing myself to think about what I was doing at that moment and nothing else.

My grades were improving and both of my coaches were impressed with my new single-minded focus, but I couldn’t summon enough feeling to even be proud of myself. My emotions were being contained; held at bay by an impenetrable iron wall. Even Ms. Quinn’s criticism in dance class bounced right off of me, though that didn’t cause her to single me out any less.

The only thing I allowed myself to feel these days was tired—and boy, was I. With shadows so dark under my eyes they were almost bruises, I looked and felt like a zombie. Conveniently today was Halloween. I didn’t have any fun plans, and I was currently sitting in the library during my lunch hour, trying to decide if I should force myself to do something, or if I could just go home and try to sleep. I hadn’t been sleeping well lately though, so maybe I’d just wander the streets around my house and blend in with all the kids dressed as zombies. I looked enough like one to pass.

I felt a gentle shake to my shoulder and heard someone say my name quietly and I jerked awake. I’d fallen asleep while thinking about sleeping! I looked over to see Rick crouched down to my eye level, a small frown creasing his forehead.

“Sorry, I know you don’t want to talk to me, I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” I said, rubbing my eyes. The backs of my eyelids felt like they were lined with sandpaper.

“Come on, I’ll take you home,” he said, his yellow eyes roaming over my face.

“Home? It’s lunch.” I said, confused.

“It’s almost five o’clock.”

“What?” I asked, shocked.

“I didn’t see you anywhere at lunch or after school so I went looking for you,” he explained.

I stared at him, at a complete loss for words until my brain finally caught up with me and I bolted out of my seat. “Damn! I have practice in an hour.”

“I think you can skip practice, Gemma. You need to sleep.”

“I can sleep later. I can’t miss practice,” I told him, shoving my things into my backpack.

“Do you even have practice? It’s Halloween.”

I stopped short, realizing he was right. Coach had given us the night off. “No, I don’t.” I sagged with relief.

“Come on. I’m taking you home.” He held his hand out for me.

I shook my head, my old anger and stubbornness finally returning. “No, I’ll walk.”

He tilted his head, giving me a stern look, “Are you gonna make me carry you?”

I rolled my eyes, knowing he was bluffing. Malcolm I could see doing that maybe, but Rick? I started walking past him and he grabbed my backpack from my hand and slipped it over his shoulder.

“Hey!” I shouted, turning to take it back, when suddenly he lifted me into his arms and headed out of the library, carrying me gently against his chest. “Rick! Put me down!”

He ignored me completely and continued walking toward the parking lot. “I’ll walk. Put me down.”

“No, I’m driving you. It’s almost dark,” he argued without even looking at me.

“I meant I can walk. You don’t have to carry me,” I grumbled.

“We’re here anyway,” he said, finally setting me down. He opened the passenger door on a black compact car and I got in, knowing now that it would be useless to argue.