Head Above Water

33. Second Chance

“You had no right!” Malcolm’s voice shouted somewhere nearby. I wanted to open my eyes to find him, but they wouldn’t obey. It felt like heavy sandbags were lying on top, weighing them down to where I couldn’t even move my eyes beneath them.

Rick’s voice shouted back. Their voices sounded hollow like they were at the other end of a long tunnel or hallway. “She was dying right in front of me, Malcolm! What would you have done?”

A chilling cold swept through me. My body might have shivered in response, but I couldn’t tell. What’s happening to me? When I collapsed, I’d thought that was it.

“I would’ve—” I wanted to hear what Mal was going to say, but everything faded out again.

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My limbs felt as heavy as lead weights. I tried to move something—anything—to no avail. It felt as if some invisible weight was pressing on every part of my body at once, making it hard to breathe and impossible to move.

The strange part was that I could feel things, even though I couldn’t seem to move. I could feel sweat running down my face and neck even though chills were wracking my body. One of my hands tingled like when Malcolm touched me. I felt a light touch run across the back of my hand and realized it must, in fact, be Mal. Maybe holding or stroking my hand?

I wondered how long I had left. Will I die soon? Will I just fall asleep and be gone? The thought was terrifying, but also freeing in an odd way. I’d had so many weeks now, fraught with pain, depression and fear. I was ready to let that all go now.

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Every muscle in my body hurt. My joints were screaming with pain and I could feel a deep ache throughout my limbs that went bone deep. I thought I was still covered in sweat, but the pain was too distracting for me to tell for sure.

I managed to open my eyes and instantly felt as if I was being stabbed with hot pokers. Though the light in the room was incredibly dim, it still hurt like crazy. A groan escaped my lips without my control. It came out raspy and not sounding like me at all.

Suddenly Malcolm’s face loomed in front of me, his expression pained. He smoothed my damp hair away from my face tenderly. “Sleep, love,” he whispered, leaning forward to place a kiss on my forehead. “It’ll be over soon.”

I wondered briefly where Rick had gone. He wouldn’t leave me when I was so close to the end, would he? I wanted to say goodbye.

I opened my mouth to ask, but was overcome with dizziness all of a sudden. My eyes rolled back and it was dark again.

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A feeling of intense nausea woke me up.

I’m still here, I thought with surprise. A tiny part of me was also the slightest bit disappointed. How long is this going to draw out for me? Apparently my body was stubborn and I was a fighter.

The pain seemed to be gone, as well as the chills, but my mouth and tongue felt as dry as cotton. I tried to swallow, but my throat was so dry that nothing happened. I felt incredibly weak and exhausted. Going back to sleep sounded like heaven, but I needed a drink.

I opened my eyes to look around and came face to face with Rick.

“Hey,” he whispered with an affectionate smile.

I tried to respond in kind, but only an odd croak came out.

“Shh. I’ll get you some water,” he said as he got up and disappeared from my line of sight. He came back barely two seconds later with half a glass of water in hand. “I’m gonna help you sit up,” he stated. Gently, he worked his free arm underneath my shoulders before raising me into a higher position. I tried to assist him by taking some of my own weight, but wasn’t able to help much. It was shocking how weak I felt.