Confessions of a transgender - LGBT Fiction

This is not a trial

I do not know how to start this story. I feel like I have so many things to say, but I never seem to be able to write them down like they are in my mind. When I try to do so, even if I am very careful, even if I choose the very same words than the ones in my mind, it always sounds messy, or false. My thoughts are not meant to be written down. Even though I want to share them so bad that this is my fourth attempt to write this story –my story. I want to express myself. I want to be listened, because I know it could helped some people. I want to help people. That is why I need to force myself into writing, even if it is hard, even if it is not perfect. I have to try.

Let us start then. I am a transgender. I was "born" a girl (I am going to use this word for now, but I will tell you later how I feel about that). Natacha. Pretty name, for their pretty daughter. I was my parents' second child, after my big brother. What you need to understand is that my parents are very good people. I do not want you to judge them later, once I will have tell you everything. We are not at a trial, and I cannot blame my parents for everything that happened.

Anyway, my parents are really loving, really good and really religious people. When I was a child, they would always help the ones less lucky than them. They would always give our old toys and our old clothes to associations. They would always laugh, and smile, and be there for us and for each other. We were a happy family, really. And I was a happy child. What happened was not their fault. No one could do anything about how I felt. I am saying that, because people used to think that I being transgender was the result of a bad education. Bullshit. How could anyone think that?

Being transgender has fucking nothing to do with education. Being transgender is a feeling. It pisses me off when people assume that they know better than me what is actually happening in my mind! I am the only one who knows, okay? The truth is, being transgender has nothing to do with education because I was BORN transgender. I was born to be a boy, and for some reason my body decided not to be one. This was no one's fault, just a fact. I was a boy, trapped in a little girl body,way before my parents started anything related to education on me. Some people said to me that it was still their fault because they should have been able to prevent me from accepting it and try to cure me. How an education can be bad just because it has not stifle you at the point where you would not even dare to be alive? Because let us understand each other: living as a girl for me is the same as not living at all. I CANNOT live as a woman. I just cannot. And I am done apologizing for it.