Alone

Its just begun

The lights are turned off and it is still early in the morning, where the sun hasn't even risen and we're still suppose to be sleeping; however I am not. I'm restless. I know he'll be home soon and lll have to face him physically and emotionally and I'm just not prepared.

He's entered the room and I tried to hide under the covers. But not matter how big my blanket is, for my twin size bed, it'll never be enough..

He'll always be the monster and I'll always be the scared little girl.

He's smiling. He must have had a good day at work. He's walking in with a large vanilla milkshake from Mc. Donald's.

Looking back now I think to myself, my young child mentality was so cheap. That's all it took for him to touch me so inappropriately, a milkshake.

But, there I am, smiling. Happy to take it. He's asking about my day and telling me about his. I'm happy to hear while I gulp my milkshake down. However the moment I've finished the last gulp my horror is about to begin.

Slowly he starts to rub my back, and ever so slowly starts to creep to my lower back area. It feels "good"-It's horrifying. I'm wanting it to stop. Over and over I'm mentally screaming.. However my screams are never heard nor will they be answered.

I'm closing my eyes.. imagining it not happening or it being him. I'm suppose to save my sacred body to someone I love. Someone I choose.. not it being chosen for me by the person that's suppose to protect me, and to love me uncontrollably. The person who would never wish this on me, not from anybody, especially himself.  

But there we are in the wee morning. The two of us. While everybody is still fast asleep. My mother and siblings sleeping restfully while my night is only begun.