Impossible Love

The Change

It was Marts the first. I was in California with my dad. I had some money with me so I could go out shopping, but it wasn't my plan. I wanted to find her, and now I was in the state where she lived, so could there be a better chance. I don't think so. The first day I was going to the shopping mall. My plan was to find her address and then just run away. Live on the streets until I find her. When I find her I don't know what. Maybe it's after a week or a year, no one knows. I packed my black backpack with some extra clothes. A black hoodie, a pair of jeans, a pair of socks, some underwear of course, a black shirt, a scissor, a brush, some pictures of her, a map and my money. I was wearing a grey hoodie, some black jeans, socks, my necklace, my passport so people will know that I was I Los Angeles before I died if I did, an white shirt, black shoes and my hair in a ponytail. I was looking at some stupid makeup in the mall. Now was the right time to begin my new life. It may sound crazy he I gave away all my stuff and run away from my family and friends, but I needed to get away, I needed to fight for what I wanted. My dad went into a shop to buy some pants and it was now. It wasn't easy, but I just ran away, and I didn't look back. Every time I wanted to look back, my head just said "No, it's her or them" and I chose her. Now I was free. I ran a lot and when I was at the right address I hit my phone in the wall, until it was completely smashed. Now no one could find me. It was around 8pm now and I was tired. I bought some bread and a bottle of water. I didn't drink that much water, because there needs to be enough for many days. I ate three bites of my bread. I found I corner near where she lived. I slept there and the next morning I was fresh again. I ate I little, drank a little. I walked around at the beach, because it was I warm day and I know she likes to be at the beach. I just walked around, thinking. Thinking of her. Her beautiful smile and magic eyes. I walked around the city, but I spend the most of my time at the beach this day. It was such a beautiful sunset. I didn't ate that much, I just wasn't hungry. I kept thinking about me and her having the perfect kiss, and then the perfect life together, but I know that it's not gonna happen. I feel sick every time I think about. I want the perfect life with her so much, more than anything else. That night I slept in another corner. I was scared for all the drunk people and I was hungry. The next day's was a lot like that. I didn't eat and drink that much, and I just walked around looking for her, thinking. In that week I also went to a farmers market, I know that she love those and then some of her favorite shops. The day's was so long. I didn't drink or eat anything else than bread. I started to cut my feelings away, because it was the only way to survive. After a month like that, it was getting worse for me, I was always sad, hungry and I started to lose me hope. Maybe it was impossible, maybe I couldn't just go out and find her. I missed sleeping in a bed. I missed my family and friends, but I still didn't miss my old life. I wanted to die. I was thinking, I can just die, it's easy, but I wanted to find her. She kept me alive. The thing was that after I met her my plan was to tell her my story, but I was getting tired of life and the hope was so little, maybe she didn't even have time to hear my story, who have that... this is just some of my story, there's so much more before this, so I just wanted to die, I wanted to meet her and then just.. die. I had now lived on the streets for 2 months. I don't think that I was possible to find her. I went to a beach a little longer from where she lived. I didn't know what the clock was, but the sun was going down. It was one of the most beautiful sunsets. There was I big cliff, and down the cliff there was water. I was at the top of the cliff, thinking. "If I jumped, could I die?... Yes I could". I went over to the edge. Was it really that easy. Could I just jump. I looked down. I wasn't scared for the pain, more for the fact that if I die today, maybe she come to the places I was tomorrow. No one knows. Everything went to my head. My family, my friends, her, my dreams, my nightmares, everything. I was just about to jump when I heard this. Cameras. I turned around, and there she was. Her she was actually right there. Everything went to my head, again. She was standing near the cliff and I ran over to her. I didn't know what to do, what to think. I just knew that I loved her. I forget everything else. I forget all the other people, her husband, our ages, our different worlds. I look in her eyes. Her beautiful brown eyes. I looked at her face, her body. Oh, everything was so beautiful, so perfect. Her hair, her arms, her cheeks, her legs, her nose, her lips. I forgot what was right to do and what was wrong. I looked in her eyes again. I touched her beautiful hair, I took it behind her ear, and I kissed her. I did, I kissed her. I just opened my mouth a little mad kissed her. When I kissed her I closed my eyes. It was one kiss, and I looked at her again. She didn't say anything. She looked shocked, but not angry. I was like she knew that I didn't just do it for "fun" , I did I it because I love her. "Sorry" i said, and a tear ran down my cheek. "I love you", I said and I turned around. I walked crying over to the edge of the cliff. When I was just about to jump I heard her beautiful voice. "No.. don't do it.. I know that feeling when you want to get away, but don't, please talk to me, please tell me why" she said. I walked over to her. I looked into her eyes. "Please" she said. "Don't you have a place to go to?" I asked, crying. "Wait here, I will come here tomorrow, please be here" she said. "Okay" I answered. She kissed my forehead, and one more tear ran down my cheek.