Impossible Love

The sadness is taking over

I went on an airplane. It was late, but of course I couldn't sleep. I cried. All I could think about was her, me, us. When she said "I don't think I can ever be able to forget you"... I was so sad. My mom was picking me up at the airport. I didn't tell her what really happen. I said I went down looking for her and that a woman called Linda found me and bought me a fly ticket. I couldn't tell my mom about her, I didn't know what my mom would do. I didn't talk that much with my dad. I didn't want to, and he was really angry too. I started cutting again. The sad feelings was too hard. I couldn't handle it. I had all I ever wanted and I gave it away. I gave it... away... I didn't even know if she was happy. I was trying to do what I thought was the right thing to do, but know I'm not sure anymore. She didn't went to job, she didn't speak to anybody. Maybe she wanted me too, and maybe I made her happy. I just wanted her to be happy and I didn't thought that she was that with me. Maybe I ruined both of our lifes. I made the biggest mistake in my life... I just didn't want to ruin anything for her... I had made a lot of mistakes before, but I didn't think that I could ever be able to forgive myself for this one... My mom could see that I was sad and she wanted to help so she took me with her to New York for a week. In the first three days I was just sitting in my bed at the hotel room. I didn't really eat or drink and I couldn't sleep. I was completely destroyed inside. I was just sitting there staring in the wall. One day my mom made me go out, she said that I didn't have I choice. I really didn't want to, but I went out. It was raining and I was only wearing a black hoodie so I took up the, hood. I was out around 1 minute and I turned around. "I wanna go inside again" I said. My mom didn't say anything she just pointed out in the rain. I turned around again and there she was. She was right there. I took my hood down and walked fast over to her. "What are you doing here" I said. "I got an divorce" she said and a tear ran down her cheek. "Please be with me" she said. "Are you sure you don't do this because you feel sorry for me?" I asked. "I couldn't be more sure" she said. "I miss you, and I know I made the biggest mistake in my life leaving you, but I did what I thought was the right thing, what I thought would make you the most happy" I said crying. "I miss you too. I miss to look into your beautiful eyes.... I miss to kiss your beautiful lips" she said and the tears ran down her cheeks again. "Are you sure this is what you want, after it's first out on the media... there's no way back" I said. "I am sure, I swear this is what I wanna do" she said. I looked into her eyes. I took my head up to hers... and we kissed. We were just standing crying outside in the rain, kissing. I could feel her beautiful lips into mine. I was completely happy, completely. I thought this was the end of all the bad things and the beginning of a good and happy life with the woman I love. We weave our hands and walked over to my mom. "When I was in Los Angeles... I didn't meet "Linda".. I met her.. It's complicated, but I promise, we will tell you the whole story at the hotel" I said to my mom and smiled. "Okay" my mom smiled too. We was walking over to the hotel, when I heard gun shots. Right after the gun shot I heard her scream. When I looked at her she was laying at the ground. "No.. you can't leave me. oh please.. please don't leave me" I said, crying. "After all we've been through, oh please don't leave me now" I said. "Please help.. somebody call an ambulance". An ambulance came and I carried her into it. I was sitting right besides her holding her hand. I cried and cried. In the host its I was staying with her all the day, holding her hand. The only thing I could say was "please, don't leave me.. oh no please don't leave me". At night they told me to go home, but I didn't want to, so they set up a bed right besides hers and I was there. I couldn't sleep. I was holding her hand all night. The next days was hard? I was there all time, I didn't go home. I ate the hospital food, not that I ate that much and I was just sitting there. "Please, don't leave me.. oh no please don't leave me" it was all I could say, all I could think. Of every people who could die, why her? After all we've been though, we can't leave each other now. The next day's was like that. People walked in, people walked out, I didn't notice them. One day, her husband came in. I didn't notice him until he said "I'm so so sorry I didn't mean this". "You didn't mean what?" I asked. "I'm telling you this because I'm sorry, it's the least I can do for her... I shot her". "Get out" I said. "I didn't mean to shot her, I swear.. I was trying to shot you..." he said crying. "But you didn't, shot me. You shot her" I said and a tear ran down my cheek. "Tell the police, I deserve it" he said. "Go now... just walk away.. and don't come back.." I said. "I'm sorry, but if she wakes up, she deserves an answer" he said and walked away. I was so angry at him... but losing her was all I could think about. The next days was harder. I know that it was the right thing to tell the police, but i just couldn't make myself talk to anybody. If I told the police he would go in jail, but it wouldn't make her good again. After three days the doctor came in. "We've done everything we could, I'm so sorry, but she will not survive the night" he said. "So there's nothing you can do, this is it, this is the end?" I asked. "I'm sorry" he said. I walked over to the locker. I took out I glass of pills. I poured out all of them in my hand. I took a bottle of water, and I ate them. If she's gonna leave this world, she's not gonna do it alone. I kissed her lips for the last time in my life. "Don't be scared, you're not gonna do this alone" I said and took her hand. She was still alive, but very very weak. "I love you" she said. "I love you too" I said. In the night we both died, holding each others hands. If I needed to die, this was the way I wanted to do it.....