Robert's Random Rants

RIP, Halloween

What the hell happened to Halloween?

Halloween used to be scary. It used to be about trippy costumes that dripped painted blood everywhere, and Candy for all.

Now, for some reason, mass marketing has turned this once spooky occasion into a half-ass day of cutesy candy dispensing. It seems that all the bloody, gory, and scary parts that made Halloween great have been removed to make way for a "Kinder, gentler Halloween". One where there is no blood in sight. One where all you see are cute, cuddly children running around dressed as cartoon characters.

This... Is not... Halloween!

I'm also sick and tired of those little ghetto-rags that use their street clothes to go trick or treating. "Hey kiddy, what are you supposed to be?" "Yo, I'm a hard-core rappa, now give me some mothafuckin candy bitch!" Oh, really? Well then come back when you have a REAL costume and I'll give you some candy, you lazy bastard.

Just remember, if you give them a handout now without them having to work for it, they'll come to expect it later in life. Coughcough wellfare coughcough.

And also, enough with this store-bought costume shit. Where's the originality in that? How about you take the time to make your own costume. Now, not only can you be proud of yourself, but you can learn that not everything can be fixed with cash. Of course, that's a lie, but it's a nice lesson to learn, isn't it?

Another thing, while I'm on the topic. What happened ot all the good horror movies?  Years ago, once Halloween came around there would be a slew of horror movies in the theaters. Friday the XIII, Halloween, the Nightmare on Elm Street, the list goes on. What is there now? Every once in a while (during the summer) you get an American remake of a Japanese horror film. Whoopdedoo. Horror films in August = Useless!

So all in all, I say it's about time we put the horror back in Halloween. Put some fake eyeballs and put them in your mouth* or something weird like that. I'm sick and tired of companies trying to make Halloween so cute and loveable that it looks like Hello Kitty took a shit on the entire nation.

And don't be stingy on the candy when I come around, you cheap bastards.

Well, kiddies, that's another of Robert's Random Rants. I hope you either loved it or hated it, because that means you're the kind of person I wanted to reach.

*Do not put fake eyeballs in your mouth, that's a safety hazard. ThisisBo productions simply wished to encourage more original decorations, not harm the children.