Diary Of Rae.

Chapter two

"Rae! Rae! Raaaeeee!!!" I hear my mother call. "Ugh what do you want from me? Can't you just leave me alone for once?" I say grumpily as I open my eyes as a breeze comes through my window. I rub my eyes and see my mother holding a glass of water in her hands as if she is going to pour it on my face. "I want you to get ready for school. Spring break is over and you better get yourself together missy because I'm not liking this new morning attitude!." She says with a smirk on her face. Completely ignoring whatever she said all I stare at is the glass in her hand and how she's bringing it closer and closer.. and *splash* "MOOOMM!!"
"That's what you get for not listening to your mother."
"Ugh okay okay I'm going."
I get up from my bed and go to the bathroom. I look up on the mirror to see my face. "I wish I was more like her." Referring to Andy. I say to my self. I let out a huge sigh.

If I'm going to school, I have definately got to change myself...mentally and physically. I no more want to be that girl people feel sorry for or just make fun of. Yes. Make fun of. There's a group at school obviously mean, stone hearted airheads who are just so full of themselves. After Andy died, Jessica and her "squad" found their new target, Me. They have embarrassed me countless. Put me in trouble so many times. So I'm not going to be that girl who lost her best friend anymore. I'm going to get ahead of myself. And that's going to start by changing myself in so any ways.

As I finish whatever I need to do in the bathroom. I come out in a towel wrapped around my chest. I walk towards my closet and see a note on my table. I go near and pick it up. The paper is in a heart shape stating "You are strong and beautiful, and better than this. Don't ever give up. xx " Wow. Someone knows how to cheer me up whoever on earth would write this? And why to me? They know I'm depressed? How? All these questions flooding in my mind just from a piece of paper. I place the paper in my bag. Heading towards my closet, I think of what I'm going to wear. Obviously all black was the first thing in my mind, but I want to feel happy today and I need to start wearing light coloured clothes. Just when I realise that I also realize that I have only one light green full sleeves crop top that I have to settle on. It's not that bad I mean I bought it with Andy, she said green make my eyes look more vibrant. Obviously I listened to her. She was a fashion expert. So I wore that with black skinny jeans below and took my bag from my desk and headed out. I say goodbyes to my family and skip breakfast for that day. I walk across my front yard towards my black dodge car. Which my uncle gave me for my birthday. He is so amazing he just buys whatever I see. Perks of being a rich guy.

I park my car in the parking lot and take my bag as I get out of my car, I hit my head on the roof. "Ouch" I mumble to myself. "Having a rough morning?" A voice behind me says. I turn around see the same guy Drew who messaged me yesterday saying hi. "Um sort of" I say as my books fall from my bag. "Sort of huh?" He says with a smirk on his face. Ugh that face is just so...beautiful his eyes green like mine, probably greener. His hair swept up properly. His style is probably what I'm more attracted to tho. Why is he talking to a gorilla like me? He looks at me weirdly and bends down to pick up my books. I do the same to. Almost everything is in my bag ad I thank him and we get up together causing us to hit out heads together. And fall on our butts. We laugh for a while and then he helps me up I give him a smile and walk away. As I enter the school building I hear drew again holding the door for me. " okay so why are you talking to me?" I ask him as a horrible person I am. "I don't know, am I not allowed to talk to you?"
"It's just that ever since my best friend-" "Andy right?" He cuts me off. "Yeah" I say as I put my hair behind my ear.
"Look I'm sorry about your best friend, and I know your having a hard time dealing with the fact that she's gone, but that's not why I'm talking to you. " he says with a small smile growing on his face.
"It's just that ever since she died, people in this school just talk to me about her. And that's not what I want. Obviously I know she's dead. But talking about it makes it worse. I just want to start over." I say letting out a sigh. He stops and grabs my hand as well. " I want you to start over too Rae." He says and walks away. Something about this conversation felt weird. Like unrealistic. He shouldn't even know my name.

The day goes by and it's time for recess I get my food and sit on one of the empty tables. I see Drew across the cafeteria with his asshole friends. What if he is like that? Like I don't want to be his game card or anything. I realise I'm sitting by self. And I look like a weirdo staring at drew I just continue eating my food. As I feel a cold type of feeling walking towards me. "Speaking of cold." I say as I look up to see Jessica. "Oh darling I'm fine thank you. " she says.
"What do you want now?"
"Oh nothing really, but all I want to know is that why are you staring at my boyfriend Rae?" She gives me the look and says.
"Look I don't know what you got in your head for me this semester but it better stop. I'm done being your little target already. " I sigh and say.
"Oh don't you worry about that my little Rae of sunshine, I've got it under control."she says.
"I'm trying to decide what to laugh on the fact that you've got it under control or that your mom decided to even keep you in her stomach for nine months." I say.
"Laugh all you want Rae Rae but just know that Lamborginis don't match or go with a Toyota." She said smirking.
"And bitches very well match and go with bitches Jessica. I say like I own the sentence.
"Until next time." She says leaving and waving her hand at me.

___________

I don't know what to do anymore my life looks like such a mess yet it's so perfectly the way it should be. I'm so freaking confused!!
I may show people that I'm a strong person with no feelings, but even if a fly dies in front of me I can breakout. Even my parents have to ruin things for me. Earlier after I came home from school, I see my mom looking at me in her "I'm going to kill you" expression. I asked her what's up, and she started yelling , "I'm so tired of you Rae! What should I do with you? I can't always be there to pick up after your mess! Idk why I honestly have to get you as a child!". Well ouch. At the moment I didn't know what to do or say, but then my dad comes in. "She's talking about your room, it's dirty." My dad says as he passes by me towards the kitchen. "So I had to hear all that just for not keeping my room clean?" I said in a slow voice. "yes" she muttered. "Wow mom like I aldeady don't feel like having a reason to live anymore. Thanks." I say leaving the room before seeing her expression as she realised what she had done.

Like seriously what the hell ill go clean my room fine. Why does she need to be so hard on me?. I don't blame her to much tho. I've lived with it since I was born. I could accept her being like that, but it's just not. Towards my sister she doesn't even yell at her, when honestly she is worse than me. And I have to be like the bad guy all the time. Ugh.

So after I finish wiping my tears I go to the washroom and wash my face. After I'm done I come out and see another note on my desk, this time it's a rectangle.

"Rae, you can do this, I'm here for you. I know your wondering who might I be? Or why I'm writing this? Soon you'll find out. Just so you know. I understand you. Because I know you. And you know me too. X" .

Well, definitely my mind has written this cause I don't really know anyone I open up to that much, or anyone I have told about my life behind the smile. So definitely my head. I smile at it as a tear passes my cheeks on to the note.