A Broken Heart Can Be Mend In Many Ways

Moving On

No. I refuse to let her bring me down anymore but, at that time, my will was not that strong and I was fully broken, both physically and psychologically. It took me a long period before talking to anyone. I just couldn't say a word without bursting into tears. I buried myself in silence. The only company I tolerated was music and even that was painful. I'd spent my days crying and drawing, muttering about my desire to die. But even that I couldn't achieve. I couldn't leave my mother stuck with my genitor. No, I don't say "dad", to me he is nothing more than the man whose seed created me.

Anyway, the pain I was going through stuck with me a while and it still is. But I don't really mind anymore. It still hurts yes, and probably always will, but I manage to see further than that and more importantly, to find strength in it. I am now reminded of the importance of evolving. I recently discovered a song named "Moving On" by Yves Bole that perfectly illustrates this phenomena. I thus continued living and recovered some social skills. I never fully told anyone about what had happened and I don't know if I ever will. The mere reminder of this experience makes me shiver to the bone, as if I were in a frozen snow dress. Eventually, everything fades. As did my admiration and love for her.

I met more and more people at school and eventually fell in love with a boy. He used to be a friend of mine. His name was Jérémy. After a few weeks into the new year, I got confident enough to tell him I loved him and he simply replied that he thought he loved me too. We dated a couple of weeks but never got quite far. Never held hands in public, no kissing in public either. I ended it when I met a girl, one year older than me, and who was actually ready to show the world that she loved me and after all I had been through, that was all I desired. Her name was Morgane. She was a bit shorter than I –and I am 5ft 2 so that something- rather slim, dark short hair and she had the most piercing blue eyes I had ever seen. She was really outgoing and that's what fascinated me so much, I who was so introverted and shy. But one never should date a person with whom they are fascinated with because that way, you won't see the heartbreak coming. Morgane and I stayed together two months and I thought I had moved on from everything that had happened before. Huge mistake. Not only I hadn't moved on but I was adding to the pain I was already in.

When she broke up with me over a text that I received during the night and therefore saw it when I woke up the next morning, everything I had been pushing away, every single tear I had held up for months now fell from my eyes. I felt to my knees while reading her words. "I will always have a soft spot for you in my heart and I hope you will find happiness and love. I will just be with someone else. I am sorry. I hope I will see you tonight... I'd understand if you didn't want to." I must have cried during about half an hour before receiving a text from a friend: "Still coming tonight huh?" I didn't want to, I couldn't see Her at the moment but I needed my friends so I went.

It was a party organized by the town to celebrate all the associations of the town and the conservatories (dance, music and drama). But as soon as I reached the place where I was to meet my friends, I started to panic. Soon after my arrival, one of them showed up and, as I was greeting her and her little sister, I burst into tears. I couldn't explain it to her because I had no explanation myself so I simply showed her the text I at received. After reading, she didn't say a word, she simply hugged me. Hard. This draw a smile on my face and we proceeded starting to go and the others would catch up with us later.

We reached the park where the party was taking place. All day and all night. Music, dance, activities for the kids, stands where you could grab something to eat, all sorts of things. I remember that the theme that year was Celtic legends so there where fairies and fawns everywhere. Everyone finally arrived, we all had a good laugh and I momentarily forgot my pain. Until I saw Her. Though she was practically at the other hand of the park, I remember spotting her from afar because I was looking for her and I also was scared. She saw me too and waved at me. I couldn't resolve myself to wave back, I simply couldn't but I should have. She came to me, probably to apologize but I ran. As fast as I could. Into the woods. Only one person followed me, the one I knew least. Her name was Amel. She was a nice girl but I hadn't met her before so I had to tell her my whole story in a matter of seconds before anyone caught to us. We talked a while and finally went back to the others. Morgane was talking with them. I politely said hello but refused to have a private talk with her. I couldn't stand the idea of her seeing me crying and begging for her to come back to me. I held my head high and this probably was one of the most difficult break-ups I've ever had so far.

Morgane meant a great deal to me and I am thankful that she actually waited until the summer holidays to break-up with me because, that way, I had three months to mend my heart.

I don't think one never really recover from a heart break though, you just move on but if you think back on the events, on the person you were, on the one you loved and most importantly on how you felt, you will always feel a little sting inside, right where your heart lies. Probably the sign that you miss them. And yes, I sadly do miss them...

~ Eli G.