Grey Because It's Never Just Black Or White

I Dont Know

I Don't Know
I cant blame God
Cant blame the devil
Cant blame them
Cant blame myself
Maybe I can blame myself.
For not building that wall tall enough
For letting too many in
For not killing myself when I had the chance
For being born.. I don't know
I don't know who to blame for my pitiful existence
I live in my shell
I cant talk to long lost family members,
I barely talk to anyone at all
I barely exist and yet I do
Its a very sad situation of existing when you don't exist
Or barely do.
I don't know.
Or I think I don't know
Why i'm here.
Too young to know my purpose
Too old to not take responsibility for not knowing my purpose
To old to pause myself
Too dependent on peoples opinion to function
Too judgmental to feel bad about it
I don't know
Do you know?
How bad it feels not being accepted by your very own household
For your beautiful sister to call you ugly
For your mother to wish you looked like anything but yourself
For your father to be the only one to accept you
Yet you're nothing but the disappointment he feared you'd become.
I know
Its the only thing I know
To look in the mirror and see nothing but all of your flaws
Its demonic
It follows like a shadow
I don't know
How you can have a shadow yet everything is so dark all the time
The only good thing is
I really love the rain.