Eli

Life as Eli

In my dreams i saw her. She came to me every night in different ways. I saw her by the waves of the ocean, on top of a mountain. Under the beautiful stars with vivid lights in her eyes. I always awoke before she began to speak to  me. No matter how hard i tried, i cant fathom into words the way the dreams make me feel. As i wake up everyday, i feel like a piece of me is being taken away. Never in a million years did i think i would be this miserable.

 I notice things, things that others seem pass a blind eye too. For a boy my feelings are killing me. Maybe things would have been different for me if my dad didn't leave before i was born. i think about the character traits i got from him. Was he as emotional as i am?  As for my mom, I guess shes trying to fill the void my father left in her heart. I know this because of the many men shes brought home on one of her drunk nights on the town. She calls them her lovers, I call them her sugar daddies. every time she brings one home she manages to find a way for them to pay for things we need. 

One time she brought home a man by the name of Steve. Well before Steve we had no air conditioning. Yeah, well i walked in the door one day after therapy, and the house, for once, felt like a paradise. It was strange though, one night i was lying in bed and i heard my mom and Steve arguing about pizza toppings, and it was bye bye Steve. Among the many other guys my mom has brought home, we received a new car, a lazy boy couch, new pots and pans and many things that my mom cant afford on her teacher salary. I dont think my mom is a bad woman, i just think she gets rid of the men before they leave her just like my father did. 

I'm nothing like my mother. When i find something to love, i become obsessed. When i was in the fourth grade, i found a lizard. I was on the playground alone and i saw this little guy out of the corner of my eye. I caught him and took him home. His name was Jessie, and being the little dork i as, i made him a house and spent hours on training him. Jessie was my life for about two weeks, until my mom found him and set him free. She told me sometimes when you love things you have to let them go because they aren't getting enough out of life in the relationship. It was easy for my mom to let him free, but that was the first time i felt true heart break since,well, Tabitha. 

I had plans with her. Its summer and we were supposed to go to the beach and walk along the shore. We planned to go to the mountains and spend a night under the stars. We spent hours talking about it on the phone every night. I loved the way her voice sounded on the phone, she was just so different. Unlike other girls she made me laugh, she had unconditional love for me no matter my mental state. Normally i keep my problems a secret, but when i met her i felt like i knew her before. I could tell her anything and she listened. 

Well its summer and i haven't left my room besides my occasional visits to the therapist. Its funny, Iv'e been at home all summer, i just don't feel like this is my home. When i do decide to get out of bed, its to say goodbye to my mom before she leaves to go to work at her summer jobs. In the morning, a server at waffle house, and at night shes the best cocktail waitress on 5th street. How that woman has energy i have no idea, i cant even walk up the stairs without being tired. I would think with my problems shed stay home with me more but i guess she doesn't really understand how i feel because well i don't tell her anything.

Its Monday morning and I'm craving a bowl of cereal. I waited for my mom to walk out the door because i am not feeling it today. Human interaction feels like knives in my heart. i walked down the stairs and too the kitchen. This bowl of cereal is going to be life. The cupboards basically have no bowls big enough to meet my requirements of a bowl of cereal, so i grab the biggest out i can find. I have three choices, Captain Crunch, Cheerios, or Recces Puffs. See there's an art to cereal picking, different for all people. for me i pick my cereal based on my mood, and right now l'm leaning towards Recces Puffs. They restore faith in humanity, what with the way the creamy milk makes the peanut butter melt, yes, sign me up.

I go to pour my cereal, and then i check for milk, thank god we have some. Its always disappointing when you're about to have that bowl of life changing cereal and there is no milk. One time i was so desperate i used water, yeah not to shabby. My mom had left the t.v on and i decided i wanted to watch some shows. so, like always i plopped down on the couch and began watching storage wars. I wonder what it would be like to talk that fast, to express words like a shot gun fires out bullets. Sometimes i can hardly speak at all, how could someone get the gift of speaking fast.

I got side tracked and I didn't really eat my cereal. My mind wondered off. What is my special talent, I wonder if i have come a cross that yet. Have i found that thing that makes me unique? When i was little i remember  my mom taking me to the doctors frequently. she always said," baby Eli its just a check up." At first i believed her, it was normal for kids to go to the doctors for chicken pox or shots, but me on the other hand, i was different. One morning in particular, i awoke in the hospital with needles in my arm. My mom was beside my bed crying, and begging god not to take her son away. I was only seven and i just thought it was another check up.

I found out a couple weeks later that I have a blood clot problem in my brain that causes severe depression. So not only could i die from the blood clot, I could eventually drive myself into a whole of dis pare and pity. My whole childhood i had to be careful with any physical activity and or who i hung out with. I was a loner and i still am. My name is Eli and l'm not your average 16 year old boy.