I wish i could say all went well with Hannah but what went down was far from perfect, yet she left my heart racing...
The day started off odd. I awoke early and I caught myself trying to dress attractive. It was just an instinct, however i had never tried before. Maybe it was because of this new girl. I left the house in a blue polo and some kaci jeans. While i was on the bus I began to overthink. It was Tuesday. Do people dress nice on Tuesdays? i mean T begins the word, Tuesday, and also the word ,Tuxedo. But I wast wearing a tuxedo, I was wearing a polo... jeez who smokes in a God damn polo? Did I make a mistake? What caused my brain to grab the only polo I have in my closet?.. Then I remembered. The is the polo. The polo that soaked up my tears the night Tabitha...
"Eli, the bus is at school. Get moving spaz"
Derek Saint, the boy who makes my condition so much worse. In the third grade he would call me names, insult my clothes and steal my friends. However, nobody knew this. He always did it in subtle ways to try and make people think i was in the wrong.
I must have been staring at him while i was retracing my memory of him because he said
"Take a picture it will last longer."
As he walked off the bus, he joined a large group of people and continued his high school experience the way it was supposed to be. wouldn't it be nice?
She said behind the bleachers. The bleachers are my place to be. I can see everything with a birds eye view. The horizon is eye level and I can see the hypocrisy, sexual teen hormones, girls trying to hard and boys so desperate they dont even get a chance. However, this time, sitting on the bleachers felt different. I was actually feeling something other than sadness, despair, depression, melancholia... well you get the point. i was feeling like a door was being opened.
A door to new emotion.
As I waited for Hannah to walk up, I wondered what it would be like to be high in school. what about being high in general. i like the bleachers so much, because I could see everyone. I could know who to avoid, watch people in secret. it was like I was a god judging people who walked beneath me. I didnt usually do that while I was on flat ground, but something about being higher than everyone made me feel like I had the qualification to pass judgement on my peers.
You know, as I think now, my therapist prescribed me marijuana for my medication one time and my mom didn't like that idea. She said, "Now you listen here, I know life is unbearable right now, and you feel as if you have no way out, but this," (holding up the bag) "will not provide you lasting results, if anything it will take away the ability for you to think at all. You will think your thinking, when in reality its not a thought of yours. Eli your thoughts are unique to you and if you're sad, than that is fine, one day you'll find someone that enjoys your view of the world. You dont need to be like everyone else." and with that impactful speech i never touched weed. It was almost as if she had a first hand en devour with the grass. Like she had watched someone be completely destroyed by this drug.
"Eli?"
I turned round and there she was.
YOU ARE READING
Eli
Random" I enjoyed the way she smiled at the sunsets " I said at therapy. "The way she lit up a room when she entered. I dont want to believe she gone. Tabitha was my world, my life." I got a look from my therapist. She was an old woman, not to good looki...
