August, I had spent my whole summer indoors reminiscing over my past. Wishing and praying I could get a chance to go back. Well, God didn't hear my cries because I got the exact opposite of what every socially awkward teen wants, high school. A place where being yourself is shunned and you're forced to sit in a chair with 5 year old gum stuck to the bottom of the wooden desks. How someone came up with this level of torture is beyond me.
I live in a very small town in Colorado. I've come to the conclusion that boredom can cause a brain to criticize everything about another human existence. In a town as small as mine, you know everything about everyone. Like Lizzy Mule, her mom had an affair with the post man and her parents got divorced. Word on the street is her father is a meth head to cope with the depression. Maybe thats why i haven't seen her around, she might be snorting up some sugar too. My case is different, i keep my exsistance so low, that i sometimes think people forget about me. I dont mind its a blessing.
School style, not a thing. unlike other guys i dont care about impressing girls. Last year i didnt try either, exactly why i was so shocked when Tabitha decided to talk to me. Daily outfits consist of a hoodie and some worn out black jeans. The first day of school is tomorrow, and i lie in my bed thinking about how i will survive without her. She was the only one who would hang around me, the only one kind enough to ask a freak like me how my day was. A thought came in my head, maybe ill make friends, but that idea was crazy. No one, not even the loneliest person on the planet would want to be with me. Or was in my curse of believe that no one would understand the things that go on in my head. If i told would they think im crazy? Part of me wants to feel and know what its like to interact with someone, but its like im trapped in my own head. I can watch the world, but i can not walk among others the way i am supposed to. with that, i close my eyes and begin to dream.
Nothing, she wasn't there, not in my dreams. Where did she go? I was hoping to get a message tonight that everything would be okay, but it was dark. I was standing in an endless room with nothing but the sound of my own heart beat. Loud, it echoed through the walls of the unknown. Then before me I saw blue. Shades of blue. Navy, turquoise and dark. I thought about this dream while i road the bus to prison.
I thought i looked dramatic when i looked out the window. In a music video, or sad teen movie. For most kids, the first day of school feels like a panic attack, but i feel nothing. Im so immune to fear, and sadness that it doesn't even bother me anymore. I didnt feel that spark when i stepped on campus, i just felt like it was another building. I remember my 3rd grade teacher saying "school is magical" Well Mrs.Finkle, you obviously have a fucked up idea of magical. Its like people who say Disneyland is a magical place. Screaming, ungrateful kids, and bank rupt parents from the overly priced churros. The conclusion that spending money on useless things is magic is like youre saying a mall is magical.
The day passed and i just sat. Sat at my desk, sat on a bench, sat on the bleachers. Its nothing new to me, besides the useless information they throw at you through text or articles. I didnt mind school when I had something to look forward too. My girl. Now i wonder what the day will bring without her. Before i felt loved, when she'd come to me at lunch, her friends would follow and i could tell the jocks were jealous. None of them could get a girl like Tabitha. Her mind was the ocean, so much to discover. Beautiful, yet not preppy, she had so much love. Why did they take her?
No one seemed to notice she was gone. It was almost like she never existed. Her friends just went about without her. People forgot the funeral, where they burried her 6ft under. No place for a princess that low. I walked to my last class of the day, Writing. Something i can find peace in. 45 minutes till i could leave and sleep again. A little while later the door opened. from where i was sitting i had to turn to look at the door, and thats when i saw her. No not Tabitha, but-
"Sorry Im late Mr.heeves, my locker was stuck."
Her eyes.... no stop
"Its alright Ms.Stevens, have a seat here next to Eli."
As she walked toward my table i glanced down at my empty paper, pretending i was thinking, when really i was arguing with my emotions. She smelt like spring, fresh bloom. That smile..
"Hey, im Hannah."
"Eli, trouble opening lockers?" i said with a slight wince
"Very funny, but actually i was smoking pot behind the bleachers. Consider yourself lucky, i dont tell many people, do you wanna come with me tomorrow? you seem like a cool guy."
I was amazed. She called me cool?
"Not really into drugs, but i think i can make an exception"
Man the smile she gave me. God listens.
YOU ARE READING
Eli
Random" I enjoyed the way she smiled at the sunsets " I said at therapy. "The way she lit up a room when she entered. I dont want to believe she gone. Tabitha was my world, my life." I got a look from my therapist. She was an old woman, not to good looki...
