Pretty Little Liars one shots

To write love on her arms - Emison

Not mine

The pain weighing on her heart is too much. Over the past two and a half years, she'd lost a lot, she'd hurt a lot, she'd suffered through things that most people can't even conjure up in their worst nightmares. Some nights she'd lie awake begging not to wake the next morning.

The worst part is that she deserves it all, and she knows it... she tells herself everyday as she drags the blade down her arms.

It's a week after the first time 'A' threatens her that Alison takes it out on herself, using a razor to slash away at the skin of her thighs. For months it's the same.

When she leaves Rosewood almost six months later, she thinks that maybe she can finally stop, that maybe she'll get some reprieve, that maybe she won't need to spill her own blood, that maybe she can become someone she doesn't hate.

She's wrong.

Being away doesn't do anything except bring on more hurt. The memories of the pain she'd inflicted on others, and the overwhelming grief of being away from the only person she'd ever cared about (even if she couldn't show it) was almost too much.

Every night she found solace in the blade. Her thighs, her stomach, her arms... all covered in scars.

The day she almost loses Emily is that day she decides she has to quit. Pulling the unconscious body of the girl you love out of a barn can do that to a person.

It's when she leans in and kisses Emily's lips that she remembers she still has something worth fighting for, worth changing for, worth living for.

Lucky for her, she's always been a strong willed person, and it isn't easy to quit, but she manages.

After two and a half years on the run, the night Shana dies, Alison breathes a sigh of relief; because she's made it. Somehow she's stayed alive; won against 'A' and against herself. She makes a promise to herself that this time will be different.

And she gives it all she has.

Alison tries to be a better person and make amends with the people she's hurt, she tries to tell the truth, but it just isn't that easy.

The night she finally admits to Emily that her feelings weren't one-sided is the best of her life. When she rolls over in bed and sees the brunette looking at her like she's the entire world, it's all Alison's ever wanted. And Emily's lips feel like heaven against her own.

Unfortunately everything comes crashing down less than 24-hours later. It's too much. With 'A' back in the game Alison isn't sure how she's going to manage, because the only way to stay one step ahead is to revert back to who she used to be. It kills her, she hates turning back into this person that she hates so much, but it's the only way to keep the people she cares about safe.

When the straw finally breaks and Emily is shouting in her face, Alison feels the last piece of her heart shatter.

After she watches Emily walk away she takes a blade to her skin. It's the first time in a long time, but the release is still the same.

Watching her blood drip she savours the feeling, because she deserves this, deserves to hurt. Cutting is her way of punishing herself and of relieving her pain all at once.

When she realizes that it's not just Emily who's given up on her, it gets worse. Cutting once a day isn't enough, and instead she finds herself slicing at her skin multiple times just to get through the day.

She's at her breaking point.

Now she's standing on the bridge just outside of Rosewood, looking out over the water. In the darkness of the night she can't help but think it would be better to give up.