It was funny, how people can love you one minute yet hurt you the next. How your whole life is transformed instantly in the split second it takes for someone to make the decision to hurt you. The feeling of betrayal is soul shattering and heart breaking, yet we humans will just make mistake after mistake every time- something that is not necessarily because of someone else. We make the mistake of falling in love.
This has happened once before. You shouldn't have trusted her again- that much you were aware of, but you were blinded by her everything. By the question of why would she, someone so successful and famous, love and commit to you in the first place? She grovelled and begged the first time that she cheated, calling it a mistake- something she swore she would learn from. Her eyes pleaded with your very soul.
Then she gave you all her time. Slowly winning back your trust every time something nice was said, or love was shown.
You weren't angry anymore. How could you be? This was another betrayal, something which came about because of your own fault of daring to trust again. So you were numb.
Numb as you quietly closed the unlocked door of her dressing room where she lied naked with a faceless man, seemingly unaware. Numb as you strolled the way you had come minutes before, nearly bounding with excitement at the anticipation of seeing her face when she saw you had surprised her, and were here.
Faces that had previously smiled and chatted to you while you passed, were now fallen and confused. All except for one. One that had strangely avoided you when you walked in, and one that had a single tear running down her face.
Holly met your line of sight and rushed over, immediately engulfing you in an unresponsive hug. You don't think you could've lifted your arms if you tried.
"I'm so sorry." She solemnly stated, leaning back to make eye contact. You just nodded. No words coming to your throat from your jumbled brain for the first time in your life. Her sympathetic gaze was slowly killing you though, so you shrugged her off and kept walking. Never looking back.
Rays of sunlight hit your face as you shoved your sunnies on and pushed your way out of the door, into the outdoor private arena carpark that the taxi had dropped you to half an hour prior.
You were grateful no one was there. Even though your eyes were covered, you knew her fans would have a field day if they saw you like this. You didn't need that on your plate. The concert wasn't to start for several more hours so things backstage had gratefully taken a large lull.
You strolled past tour busses and trucks towards the gate, everyone hidden around you buzzing as they got ready. The once addicting energy was in the air, now making you feel ill. Then you reached hers.
The bus you had seen many times before. Yeah she shared it with others, but to you, it was hers. It was the bus where the pair of you had spent nights cuddled in the king-single bed she had sectioned off down the back. The bus where she promised you forever, where she swore she would never hurt you.
You don't know what made you do it. An undiagnosed case of masochism? Who knows, but you couldn't control yourself as your body slowly walked towards the stairs, the guard not blinking once as you entered the sleek silver bus. You had been here before, and now, you were here for the last time. The second you set your eyes onto the bus entryway, you froze.
That's when you felt it. Your heart shatter. The picture of the two of you, her hair long, pink and shaved at the time while she had her arms playfully wrapped around your neck from behind, taken at a day at the beach. It sat on the makeshift counter, mocking you. Her scent filled the air and her clothes lied strewn about on the couch. All served as painful reminders of what you had and lost.
