lonely hour

ava

maybe they're wrong.

i'm excited to leave school. which isn't unusual. everyone wants to leave, annoyed with free education and desperate for drugs.

this time i have no expectations at my interview. if i bomb it, what's going to change? i won't have money for college. but the stars are free.

it goes well, i get a job at a small vitamin shop. finally i can breathe easily. the plan was falling into place.

i step outside, into the frigid air. the sun is going down, along with the temperature. surprisingly i don't mind. my body is warm with relief, and three coats.

when i walk, i memorize the beat of my feet hitting the pavement. unconsciously i settle into his rhythm, thump, step, thump, step, thump, step. it's more difficult without a limp. my feet drag to the thump, lifting high at the step.

i realize i've past my neighborhood, again. despite this, i keep going. maybe it's in the effort to see him once more, to immerse myself in his pattern.

it's dark when i reach the neighborhood. a figure emerges from the shadows, sauntering ahead. my eyes struggle to find the motif, squinting through the inky black of the night. the anticipation quickens my heartbeat. then i see it. thump, step, thump, step, thump, step.

a light ignites in my chest. something jumpstarts my heart.

i pick up my pace, feeling the cold burn my lungs at the effort.

he doesn't acknowledge my presence, just like before. we walk side by side, arms brushing lightly. the friction was enough to start a fire in my body. and my intrigue was at an all time high. i wet my lips, glancing up at him through my eyelashes. he seems to be unaware, so i continue to study him.

a tattoo trickles from his neck, halfway hidden by his jacket. it disappears down his back. all i see are lines, with no apparent pattern. my ocd flares, itching to connect the dots on his skin, but i say nothing.

my eyes wander down his body. his hands are tucked away in the jacket, arms stretched against the fabric. his feet covered by converse, legs moving lethargically. i return to his face, biting my bottom lip.

"tell me more," he says softly, "show me the stars."

suddenly his eyes are on me, dark meeting light, hot meeting cold. a hurricane stirs.

i match his eyes, for the first time. i feel naked in front of him, stripped to the core. he searches me, unfaltering. my breathing is unsteady.

"that's andromeda. she was a sacrifice to the sea monster, cetus, but was saved by perseus." i point to a cluster of stars, feeling the weight of his gaze shift to the sky. he says nothing in reply, so i go on.

"she has sixteen main stars, and three messier objects."

we're quiet, enjoying the vacant streets. it's always too loud, so difficult to think. now my mind churns.

i keep my head down, watching the pattern carefully. we reach the intersection. we lean against the lightposts. he pulls out a cigarette.

time moves slow. i thank it endlessly.

a flame flickers. the fire is in his eyes. between his lips, the cigarette glows. ash seeps into the ground where he stands.

an urge propels me foward, thump, step, thump, step, thump, step. i'm standing in front of him, chest to chest. i close my eyes as he exhales. smoke forms a haven around us.

i'm captivated, a transcendental peace.

"don't," he lifts the cigarette to his lips lazily, breathing in the nicotine like oxygen. i memorize the way his lips move when he exhales, serene.

"you're artemis, and i'm orion. i'll never be able to have you." he drops the cigarette, snuffing out the flame.

i watch him walk away, with stars in my eyes.