lonely hour

ava

i'm not one to follow the crowd.

i come in late at night. no lights to guide me down the hallway, no noise captures my attention. i breathe deeply, reaching my door. as i turn the knob, a cough alerts me of someone's presence.

my mom flicks the hall light on, freezing me in place. her disappointment and worry shines on her face, highlighted by the wrinkles in her skin.

"it's two a.m." she says, "why haven't you called?" she asks.

a lie is stuck in my throat. should i?

she steps closer, crossing her arms over the satin robe covering her pajamas. my mind reels with a choice, to lie, or not to lie. it's more dramatic in my head, i assume.

so i tell her, the lie.

"i missed the bus, and got lost." perspiration forms on my forehead, riding along my hairline. i'm afraid she'll find out the truth. nerves keep me moving, jittery as i tap a pattern on the door knob. if she knew where i was, i'd never be able to go out again. and i don't want to lose him, not yet.

i'm almost free. joy springs through my fingertips as she backs away with a nod. then she pauses.

"do you smell smoke?"

my heart drops. i don't know what to say, suddenly tongue-tied. i shake my head vigorously, hoping it didn't seem suspicious.

she squints and approaches me like a lioness after prey. my pulse skyrockets, i gulp nervously.

tension is thick as she stalks towards me.

then a lock turns, and the front door opens. we both look curiously, having extremely different reactions as my older sister, mya, stumbles in. she's obviously drunk, and probably wasn't expecting such a crowd. i thank her a million times over in my head, slipping into my room before my mom can investigate futher.

as i strip to get into the shower, i listen to the quiet yells of my family. when i'm letting the hot water soak into my skin, i can no longer hear their words, just the mumble of voices and patter of water hitting the tile.

i shut my eyes, wishing the soap to wash away all of today. except him, never him.

steam fogs the glass, allowing me to draw the constellations. i trace orion, and scorpius, and finally andromeda. the warmth is comforting, a blanket to keep away the cold.

i'm smiling when i get out. and i'm smiling when i fall asleep, dreaming of an enigma with dark eyes and an addiction to nicotine.

**

by the time my alarm finishes going off, i'm ready for the day. the bed is made, my teeth are brushed, and i'm fully dressed, awaiting the start of the day so i can get to its end.

my mom is surprised when i brush past her, heading out the front door to wait in mya's jeep. it takes an eternity for her to show up, and when she does, she expects me to grill her about last night. normally, i would, always enthralled by her stories. but now, i have my own secrets, and i'm surely not willing to spill. so i sit back as she drives us to school, holding back a mischievous smile.

when we arrive, i jump out, immediately going to class. i'm rushing everything, hoping it'll make the day end faster.

i'm jogging down the steps of shores high, eager to waste time before the sunset, when my best friend calls my name. i haven't talked to her much these past couple of days, and she's growing worried, apparently.

"hey, where have you been?" lana asks, a frown etched into her lips. she walks with me, watching me from the corner of her eye.

i guide us towards the coffee shop, where i wasn't hired, telling her i'll explain. this time, i don't copy her pattern, but she doesn't notice. they never do. the frigid wind whips our hair back.

we welcome the warmth and smell of coffee grinds as we enter the small shop. i order our usual, and find a seat by the windows.

i almost decide to lie, but think better of it. she knows when i lie, i have a tell tale sign that she won't tell me. believe me, i've tried.

lana sips her coffee slowly, watching me through narrowed eyes. she waits until i take a drink, then tells me to spill.

i wet my lips, sighing, "i met someone, kinda."