Time after Time (#LoveLetters)

♥Letter 5♥

Dear him,

I was feeling out of sorts today so I decided to write out my Christmas list. It only consists of one thing, but once you know what it is, you'll know how much it means to me. Not that you care or not, I just want you to know anyway. Just in case one day, heaven forbid, you'll read this.

"It's that wonderful time again full of laughter, love, giving, receiving, and celebration. Even though the entire reason for Christmas isn't just because of the gifts, or the food, family, friends, decorations, or carols, I'll try to be thankful no matter what happens this year. Everybody knows what they want, but I don't. Well, that's not entirely true, is it? You want to know what I truly desire that no money could ever buy? Shall I elaborate? Sure, why not?

So there's this boy. He's all that I ever think about now. Almost every hour or minute is spent on him.
I just can't stop!
I care for him so deeply that I go into depression sometimes and mope around aimlessly. I've even written at least ten poems, two songs, and novel about him.
This all can't be in vain!
Even, even the countless nights I've cried thinking about him and the dreams I've dreamed of him.
Oh, how I wish they were real.

And the times where I've caught him staring or the very short conversations I'd wish to redo. I wish I could be more outgoing for him to show how much I care, but he's too oblivious to even notice. It's so heartbreaking to think what he's missing, but what if I'm not enough?
Is there someone better? Do I deserve someone better?

He's all that I have ever dreamed of though. Nothing could ever make me give him up unless he got a committed girlfriend or wife. I don't know what I would do then.
Die of sorrow for sure.
He means everything to me. Even the sound of his voice or name melts my heart and causes my stomach to overflow with butterflies. Even the mention or sight of him makes my heart race. Even his laugh is enough to make me smile like an idiot or by the causal things that he does makes me like him even the more. Even his deep colored eyes that just give you an indescribable feeling. I wish they only looked at me like that.
Even, oh, my favorite thing about him: his sweet, cute, and adorable smile. Even the way he can be mature then turn right around to be the adorable dork that he is. Even the way he's caring and protective of the people he cares about. Even when he loses his cool, I just want to pat his arm and reassure him he's all right. Even when he looks as if he's upset, hurt, or depressed, I just want to hug him to let him know that someone out there cares about him deeply. Even when he's happy, I want to share that excitement with him. Even when I miss him terribly, there's nothing I can do except dream and hope of seeing him again soon.
So, when people ask me what I want for Christmas what I really want to say to them is this:

Him.
The boy that makes me laugh. The boy that makes me smile. The boy that only makes me see him in a large group of other people, but he's the only one that really matters to me. The boy I want to share almost every waking moment with and maybe, possibly the future. The boy who I want to hold hands with if I either is anxious or afraid. The boy who I want to cuddle with while watching a movie or a game. The boy who will share his jacket just so I can just smell his fresh sweet scent. The boy that can create memories that will last a life time. The boy that really no words could ever describe.
Ever.

But this one thing, I know.
All I ever want, desire, or need is him.
The boy I will always love though he may not ever return it, is him. No matter what we go through,
I will always stick by.
Always.
And that's a promise.
You want to know who he is?

You.

And I love you very much."

Love forever and always,
Me <3