Unknown //h.s.

Chapter 12

  Words are unable to capture the moment of happiness, joy and content I feel when I see what the surprise was. I had always wanted to go out and be adventurous so that I could possibly experience the wonderful things life has to offer. The stars shining in the night sky remind me of what could've been. All the endless possibilities of how my life could've turned out. So many roads to travel, places to see, things to try and yet here I am. I am in a car, with a cute guy, and a perfect job. What more could I ask for? It's not like there are drastic things about James that I couldn't live with. I genuinely like and care about him.

  Whether he's the man I am destined to be with and the man I will give my full heart to, I just don't know. I can see how a family with him would be like a typical family with no intense drama and similar to what is shown in the movies. Everything I've ever wanted to accomplish in life seems within my grasp if I go with him. But something within me gnaws at the back of my thoughts, begging and pleading not to conform with the basics. It challenges me to seek something that will bring not only happiness and excitement, but make me quiver in fear of loosing myself within it. Something that will have the power to captivate me and completely engulf me within its arms. Not something, but someone.

  Ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of meeting the perfect guy at a young age and being able to grow old together. He had to be handsome and able to care for me as I would want to care for him. All my life I've had the same mindset and same goals. I didn't realize that these expectations had changed up until recently. It might've been because of my encounters with the most amount of men in my whole life or because of the newly acquired advice from Andy.

  I can safely say that Andy has changed me for the better in many ways. He has taught me to not let men define who I am and how I present myself. If a guy is going to come to me, or I to him, it should be the most genuine parts of us that meet instead of the people we want to be.

"Beautiful isn't it?" James asks, breaking me from my thoughts. He eyes me slightly before returning his gaze upwards to the stars.

"Yeah it's quite marvelous actually" I say softy, trying not to disturb the peaceful silence of the night.

We sit there for a while longer as we finish our drinks and gaze at the stars. I am tempted to ask him a few questions and learn more about him, but am afraid it will ruin this perfect night. I wouldn't want to touch on a sensitive topic that would make the rest of the night awkward.

"We should probably get going now, it's almost ten thirty" he says, finally breaking the silence that had seemed to go on forever. We both reach over to put our drinks in the cup holder and our fingers brush against each other. I feel a jolt of energy burst through me all at once and I can feel myself blush slightly.

We head back to our apartments and he offers to walk me to my door even though I initially refused. We both stand in the doorway and I thank him for the lovely dinner and the star gazing. After I'm done talking he takes a step closer and I start to immediately clam up and get nervous. I watch him silently as his stare lingers in my lips for a few seconds more than usual. I gulp and it feels like the sound was somehow magnified and heard all over the world. He comes close enough that I can hear his breaths and soon feel them tingling against my skin. I find myself looking at his lips too and he smirks slightly when he catches me doing so.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see one of his hands snake up swiftly to my face. He holds my face in his hand and looks me in the eyes as if asking for permission. I nod slightly in response but feel frightened for whatever comes next. His breaths grow nearer and nearer until I can no longer take the feelings inside me, wanting to rip through my body and expose my thoughts and yearnings. I lean in and James does too so that our lips collide like the crashing of a wave onto the shore of a beach. His other hand comes up as well and holds me by my hips, keeping me near him and afraid to let go.