Waking Up in Mystic Falls

We Slay

Shopping is so much fun when your with rich people. Well actually I don't think Bonnie and Caroline are rich but I'm pretty sure there living off their parents' wills and the Salvatore's generosity, meaning they have got all the shmoney. Which means that they have no reason to dress the way that they do. Luckily I'm here to save them from looking fashion impaired. I still remember what Care wore to the watering hole that striped purple top and yellow shorts it was just so tragic and don't get me started on her dreads when she turned bad. From now own I vow to make this show stylish no matter how difficult that might be. By the end, Gossip Girl and PLL fans of the world will be begging us for advice. And Carrie Bradshaw better watch out because I'm about to be the new TV fashion icon. Albeit more urban and punk but iconic nonetheless. Right now I was waiting for Bon and Care to step out to surprise me with there new looks.
"Are you ready?"
"Yes, and I expect greatness!" That was a demand because I really want them to wow my socks off. So when they finally come out, my face instantly drops. Bonnie was dressed in a beige tunic with jeans and a cardigan , Caroline was wearing a floral skater dress with a blazer.
"Clearly this is going to be harder than I thought." I mutter to myself but Care hears it.
"What you don't like it?" Care asks surprised that I don't like the fact that they constantly wear endless variations of the same thing.
"It's not that I don't like it. It's just that I don't like it." I stated as I stood up to examine them in discontent.
"Why don't you like it?" Bonnie asks.
"Because it's the same thing you guys always wear and you guys are definitely not the same people so don't you think it's time for some change and a little spunk." I smile at them. Luckily I had planned for this as I hand them each a couple of hangers.
"This is all one look so I want you guys to put everything on."
"Can I get a sweater to go on top of this?" Bonnie asks.
"No." I say as my eyes drift on their very layered outfits. I shove them into the dressing room and could feel the air tingle around me. In the time that I am here I know fashion history will be made. Bonnie made it out of the dressing room first, she had on a pair of vintage dark wash high waisted shorts with some rippage obviously paired with a breezy orange floral off the shoulder blouse that stopped just about two inches above the start of her shorts and she was strapped in brown suspenders. Then came out Caroline in denim overalls with a denim button-down.
"Don't you think these shorts are to short?"
"Don't you think this is a bit to much denim?"
"NO! I think you got cake and I think you got legs for days now will you please both look in the mirror and appreciate my damn work." Jeez you'd think a hard-working girl like me could get a break around here. Ready to rebut my argument I toss their hair and twirl them towards the mirror. For a moment they stare and pose from different angles conflicted. Until it's dawned on them.
"Holy Shit! She's right we do look hot." Care squeals as she shimmies in the mirror.
"It's crazy that I like this because I feel like a hippie Kelly Kapowski." Bonnie explains.
"Good because that's what I was going for." I smile I know what I'm doing at least when it comes to dressing people but I know very little about everything else.
"Oh my God! Bonnie!"Care screams as she stares at Bonnie.
"What?!" Bon replies scared thinking she might have a bug on her.
"You do have cake. Lots of it. How come I never noticed?" Care explains as her jaw is still open as she examines her new findings.
"Because she was hiding it under all those god awful layers." Those tragic, tragic layers that tried so hard to hide her sex appeal.
"Really guys?" Bonnie huffs.
"Really nothing I'm putting that ass on showcase to the world so that Kardashian fans of the world know what a real ass looks like." I say holding up my fist to the gods of fame, I'll be damned if the Kardashians will get all the credit for what they got made when it comes naturally to my melanin queens. Then Bonnie yelped as Caroline had unexpectedly grabbed her ass.
"Oh my god it's so firm, you could sit on it." Care whispers in disbelief and Bon rolls her eyes into the infinities of hell.
"I know right, I'm so jelly. I mean I'm Dominican but it seems my ass privileges have been revoked without an appeal." I shake my head, I had been wronged.
"Enough about my ass. Now I really do love this denim look you have going on. I want something like that." Bon adds as she fixes Care's collar.
"Sure we can. Wait what's today!" I ask because I just came up with a brilliant idea.
"Wednesday.. Why?" They reply simultaneously.
"Because on Wednesdays we wear denim." I smirk.
"Oo our very own Mean Girls reference, I like it." Caroline squeals yet again.
"As long as I'm not Karen." Bonnie retorts.
"Please none of us have the tits to be Karen." I reply.
"None of us have the tits to be any of them." Care clarifies.
"Ha. You right." I laugh as I grab more clothes for them to try on. By the time we leave the mall our arms are getting some intense workouts from all the baggage we have. And each item is hand selected or approved by me. Next up the Salon and we caught them just before closing.
"Now why are we here again?" Bonnie asks as she plants herself in a chair.
"Watchu mean why are we here? My hair is a hot mess and I'm sorry I love you but that wig has got to go, boo." I mean I love Bonnie but her hair always be looking all types of fucked.
"I am not wearing a-"
"It's ok Bon, I know. But she is right." Caroline adds as nicely as possible, which only left Bonnie's mouth agape.
"If the blondie knows what's up, there's a problem." I justify and I am impressed with Caroline's weave deduction skills it's a great skill to have, not that Bonnie's was too tough to spot.
"Wait how did you know?" Bonnie asks, where as I was polite enough not to say how could she not know.
"Umm did you forget that I watch the living shit out of America's Next Top Model and Ru-Paul's Drag Race it is all about the hair aka weave and wigs. Plus I'm wearing extensions right now."
"Wait you are?" Bonnie asks.
"Yup." We answer simultaneously.
"Since when do you wear extensions?"
"For 2 years now." Care nods and Bonnie's face is incredulous but then she gathers herself.
"Ok besides the fact I just learned something new about my best friend, I meant what are we doing here? You drove us to the farthest part of town when we passed several salons." Bonnie asks I'm really starting to wonder where Bonnie gets her hair done. Also several I saw like one.
"Because no one does hair like they do in the ghetto." I thought this was obvious.
"Even so, they're closing they're not gonna take us in." Why is she so negative?
"Actually I called Tonisha on our way here she's totally gonna take us." Caroline confirms and Bonnie is flabbergasted, as am I.
"Wait you now someone who works here?" Bonnie asks and the confusion in her face matched mine.
"Yeah I know the owner." Caroline just says like nothing, I'm not even friends with any hair stylists back at home.
"Hold the front door, why didn't you say this in the car." I say.
"Well you asked Siri the best places to get your hair done for the cheapest prices, and I knew Tonisha is the best in town so I brought you here." Caroline explains and I knew there was a reason I always liked Caroline she's full of surprises. But I gave Bonnie a shake of disappointment.
"What?" She addresses me.
"Nothing... I'm just starting to wonder whose black here and whose white."
"You can't be serious?" She retorts.
"I'm kidding, no but seriously where do you get your hair done?" I ask still thinking who brought upon all these terrible disgraces upon her head.
"There are only 2 salons in Mystic Falls well apparently 3 and I go to Britney's on Park." Bonnie says as she know questions her life choices. Britney's on Park if that ain't the most pretentious sounding name.
"Britney's they're awful." Caroline repelles in disgust.
"And overpriced as hell." Says a woman with an aqua blue Afro and burgundy lipstick that popped against her dark skin and she offers a smile. And instantly I knew I was in love with her aesthetic.
"Tonisha, I'm so sorry to come this late we were just shopping because my friends new in town." Caroline explains and I am loving Tonisha's get up she's about as urban as its gonna get in Mystic Falls. Plus I am digging the Afro-Punk.
"Don't worry Jess, I always got time for my favorite customer." She smiles again and it's cool to know that Care has more than one black friend, that's what's up. Wait hold on a minute what did she just call her?
"Jess?" Bonnie beat me to it.
"It short for Jessamine. Caroline Jessamine." Care explains.
"Because she's as pretty and as bright as a Carolina Jessamine." Tonisha goes into, but I still got no clue what a Carolina Jessamine is until Bonnie drops a look at me with a smirk on her lips.
"It's a flower."
"Ohhh." As I was now fully caught up.
"Alright now whose first?" Tonisha asks and Care and I both point to Bonnie.
"Rude." Was her only response as she sent us an icy glare but what can we do I mean I was willing to sacrifice the beauty of my own hair to make sure hers was finally amazing.
"I figured. Jess why didn't you bring her to me sooner?" Tonisha questions with good reason as she inspects Bonnie's head and slowly pulls of her wig. To reveal a wig cap which Bonnie whips off herself.
"Hold the fuck up, you have thick, healthy hair and you wear these insufferable wigs, why?!" I beg as I see that her matted curly hair falls to her shoulders. And I could tell she was offended and was now giving me the cold shoulder.
"Don't worry, when I'm done with you Beyoncé gonna come running to find out where you get your weave done." Tonisha states and I can't help but believe her. Two hours passed when Caroline and I were completely done and let me tell you we look fabulous. They were in the final stages of Bonnie's hair although we are not allowed to see it until she's done. Bonnie had given me her phone and this is the third time Damon has called but I don't want his dusty ass bothering us during pampering time. But I was sick of having it vibrate in my thigh.
"What do you want?" I sigh.
"Bonnie?" Do I sound like Bonnie like at all?
"Try again, genius." And then it was his turn to sigh.
"Ladyboy. I was really hoping you were in a ditch somewhere by now."
"I could care less what you call me me, but know you really shouldn't use that term it's highly offensive to the transgender and intersex community." I argue it's about time Damon became just a little bit politically aware. Although given I'm a dumbass who don't know much but what I do know, I know, you know?
"So you admit, your a man?" He chuckles.
"I admit you're an idiot, and is that all because I'm hanging up." I say as I'm about to hang until I hear him beg.
"Where's Bonnie?"
"Busy."
"What do you mean Busy?"
"As in she can't come to the phone because she's busy. You realize she does have a life when she's not trying to save you from the consequences of your man pain. Right?" There is a slight pause as he tries to think of some retaliation.
"I don't even know you, and you still manage to drive me insane." And he got nothing.
"Thank you some say it's a talent." I say with a toss of my hair.
"Just put on Bonnie."
"Like I told you she's busy."
"Put her on the phone." He demands like I'm gonna listen.
"No."
"No?" I don't know why he seems so surprised it was kinda obvious that this was going to be my response.
"Wow you really don't have any respect for other people's time, do you?" I ask.
"Listen I don't have time for this so put Bonnie on the phone, it's an emergency." Emergency? That means he probably did something stupid like go on a murderous rampage.
"Oh why didn't you say that to begin with?"
"So you're gonna put her on?"
"No." I laugh, I'm so evil.
"The next time I see you, I'm going to yank out your vocal cords so no one ever has to listen to your incessant voice. Now for the love of God put on Bonnie!" He growls and with that I hit end. I don't need to be insulted by a prick plus my wig right now got me feeling high and mighty. Then the phone rings again and I wait a couple of rings to answer.
"Did you just hang up on me?" Uhh yeah thought that was pretty obvious.
"Because I don't tolerate being threatened. You wanna talk to me, you talk to me like a human being."
"The whole point of this is that I don't want to talk to you. I want to talk to Bonnie."
"Really? I hadn't caught that like at all." Sarcasm is a talent.
"Why are you so difficult?"
"I could ask you the same question." No really Damon I could really ask you the same question.
"Will you please put Bonnie on the phone?" He begs.
"Please! I don't think I've ever heard that word on your lips." Damon does have some nice lips.
"So you'll let me talk to her?"
"No. But since you're trying to be a good boy, I'll relay a message." I smile.
"I swear to go-"
"Ahhh ahh ahh be a good boy or I won't tell her anything." And I know he could sense the shit-eating grin on his face.
"Tell me what could she possibly be so busy doing at this point in time?" Here we go again.
"The fact that you can't even fathom that Bonnie could be busy with anything other than your life, really showcases how much you think of her. For all you know she could be fighting off dragons, taking a mid-term, getting her hair done, talking to her estranged mother, or having sex."Shit I should get paid for spitting truth, the way I do.
"Funny I know for a fact it's not the last one."Or he hoping it ain't.
"How do you know? As you and I both know Bonnie's hot like really hot and she has been busy for awhile I could only imagine what she's doing." I sing into his ears giving him the illusions of Bonnie having any other person in her life besides him and I can tell it gets to him.
"Wait does ladyboy have a crush on Bon Bon?" I roll my eyes he could do better.
"Uhh yes. Everyone should unless you blind and even then you should still have a crush on her."
"I don't have time for your lesbian fantasies. Wait, did you say Bonnie is with her mom?" Will you look at that he cares.
"I said it was a possibility amongst several other things Bonnie could be doing."If he found out she was just doing her hair, I'm sure he'd strangle me.
"I hate you." Love, hate such a fine line.
"You entertain me." Honestly he does.
"I know Stefan shut up- Fine. Ok. Listen you're being a complete ass could you please tell Bonnie that, hell has returned."
"Wait Stefan's there?" Hold on put my boy on the phone.
"Calm yourself, your panties are already in a bunch about Bonnie, you don't need to fantasize about my brother too." Uhm I can fantasize all I want that's why it's called fa-fa-fa-fa-fan-t-t-t-tasy.
"I sense jealousy. Would you rather I fantasize about us?" I joke.
"God no! I rather fantasize about me and a horse."
"So you're into beastiality, that makes sense I guess." Considering he isn't having any luck in the womens department.